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Husband despises me for being a stay at home mom

My husband told me that I could be a stay at hOme mom. But ever since I have been home with our LO I get nothing but despised from my husband about being home. I know he works hard but he makes me feel
Like my life is so easy and I don't do enough. I've always worked so this isn't easy for me either I already feel like I'm not doing enough by staying home but them I'm made to feel guilty all of the time for it. It's really depressing and Iwish my husband could recognize just how tough this is. But also on good days or during good times at home with my LO I feel guilty like my life had to be hard everyday or it's not legitimate. Does anyone else have these problems or have any tips?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Nov. 14, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • No, because I stayed home for a year and was depressed every single day. I need to work. For me, it's how I feel good about myself.

    Answer by m-avi at 10:42 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My husband never treated me quite like that, but we both decided I would stay home with our boys, and when they were little, if he came home and the house wasn't clean, or dinner wasn't on the table...or both, he wanted to know what I did all day.

    He was laid off for several months when we had three small boys, and he found out how much work was involved in staying home. I do all of the housework, all of the financial stuff, all of the shopping, and I raised three boys. When he went back to work, he realized that if the house was shiny clean and dinner was on the table when he got home, I'd had an easy day, but if the house was a mess, or dinner wasn't ready, I probably had had a very tough day. He really learned to appreciate what I do.

    I won't wish a lay-off on you, much too tough, but I will say, start keeping a log of what you do each day, keep it for a month, and leave it around where your husband can see it.....

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:45 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My ex husband was like this... he didn't want me to work (controlling psycho) but he hated and resented me for staying home. He kept complete control of the money and would disappear for weeks at a time. For some, its a control and resentment thing but as m-avi stated I am one that now needs to work for my sanity and security.


    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 10:48 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Maybe on one of his off days let him keep the kids. Go off to the store, anywhere so he can see what goes on in your world day in and day out. He might think differently after he knows exactly what you have to do everyday.

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 10:50 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • my ex husband was like that, too. it was a mutual decision when i got pregnant with our first child (my second) that i stay home. he was in the army at the time and on his salary we were able to afford it. however, we weren't able to buy all the video games he wanted and other dumb shit and toys he just had to have. so he slowly started making me feel like shit for being a stay at home mom.

    ironically, when we split up and i started working in a preschool, he said i was putting the kids at risk for getting sick and should stay home with them. jeez.

    Answer by tnm786 at 10:51 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My husband doesnt act like that. I am extremely grateful that he works so I can stay home but he knows there are days that I don't get even a second alone to use the bathroom! When I was dating I knew staying home with my kids was important to me so I looked for men that valued sahm's.
    If my husband and I weren't on the same page then I would have to re evaluate my position. Maybe your husband just feels added pressure of being the sole provider now? Talk with him to try to find out where the resentment is coming from.

    Answer by missanc at 10:56 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • It sounds like he is ready for a lesson in humility. You should probably plan a girls weekend and make him take care of your child while you are gone. Having to do all of the thankless dirty work makes you appreciate those that do it for you more.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:58 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • There was a cartoon published some years ago, of a dad coming home to a house that looked like a tornado had hit it. n the caption, mom was telling him, "You asked me what I do all day. Today, I didn't do it."

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:30 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Nope
    I also worked before I had my kids and my DH and I together decided it was best. We discussed the things we would gain and have to do without if I did not go back to work. He did not allow me to stay at home, it was a joint decision.
    Sure he had bad days and so did I. Sometimes bills would come up and it made it hard not to be convinced we had made the wrong choice.
    There is the key however, if you are not satisfied with your choice, you can change it.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:55 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My DH had his days where I felt he thought being home was so easy.... so I took a day he had off, and went out with my friends.. all day 9am-11pm. I told him not to call me unless it was an emergency. When I got home, he was singing a different tune... now he appreciates what I do, and I work a few nights a week, for a few hours, for myself. And he has DD alone. I get a few hours out, away from the house, and he has a few hours of seeing what my day is like. It has helped a lot.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:55 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

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