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2 Bumps

You're Not my Real Mom..

three years ago when i met my husband, i knew he had a son. and i took him in like my own.. at the time he was 3, his mother has never been a part of his life. she left when he was about three months. and has only looked back when she gets pregnant by other men.. and all of the sudden her maternal instinct kicks in and she all of the sudden wants to be part of all her kids lives, and after about three months shes done and is not heard of for awhile.. so this has been going on for three years and now that he has started kindergarten, he has began to ask where's my real mom? we don't look alike? how can you be my mom? you're not my mom your white (i'm brown) and i'm not?..

as a mother this hurts me.. i really don't know how to handle it.. how would you handle?

looking for advice! thanks!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Nov. 14, 2012 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Tell him the truth... better yet... you & his Dad need to do this together!!

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:21 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I think both his dad and you should tell him the truth and don't hide anything because he will think there is something wrong with him. I guess you will both need lots of patience.
    If you aren't sure how to proceed ask advice to a professional.

    Best of luck to you !

    Answer by ajc03 at 11:27 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Explain how DNA doesnt make a mom

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:37 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • ^^^^^ love what lostsoul said!! DNA does not make a mom!

    Answer by teeg1 at 12:11 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • The truth is always the best policy. He is starting to notice the finer details. Don't deny him his story, he should know where he comes from. That being said, explain to him that their are two kinds of mommies in the world, those who make the babies and those who love and care for the babies. Mommy A is the kind of mommy who made him and you are the mommy that loves him and protects him and feeds him, etc.

    It is not your job to protect him from his past. It is your job to give him perspective and help him to process the things he is thinking and experiencing. GL, momma.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:12 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Mom nailed it! I got chills reading it- she is so right!!!!

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 12:14 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I would tell him the truth, but talk about families being a group of people that love each other rather than a group that is bio related. There are age appropriate books about this - I'm sure a librarian would be able to point you to some that might help him understand. If you know any non traditional families (blended families, grandparents raising grand kids, etc) you could use them as an example too. Sometimes families look different, but they are all families!

    Answer by missanc at 12:28 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I am truly sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have no advice to give but a TON of hugs to send to someone who is doing her utmost! I wish there were more like you in this world.

    Answer by winterglow at 12:43 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • There's a saying that I've seen all over the place about dads. The same could be said for moms:

    Anyone can be a Father (Mother).
    It takes someone special to be a Dad (Mom).

    I would just tell him that no, you are not the Mother that gave birth to him, but you ARE the Mom that cares the world about him. Not all family is related by blood.

    In fact, 95% of the people I'm closest to, I'm not related to in any way.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:20 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Explain that while you did not carry him and you had no part in creating him that does not mean you do not love him as much as if you had done those things. I think the better person to do it would be your DH and possibly both of you together.

    Answer by aeneva at 1:33 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

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