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Mommy guilt...

So I know this is REALLY dumb, but did anyone ever feel guilty after having another child? I have a 2.5 DS who is great and adjusting pretty darn well to his new sister (she's 1 month.) The only problem is, he is fake crying alot, and asking to be held alot (which is completely fine, and I don't mind at all!) but I just feel terribly guilty! I don't know why.Could be hormones. But what did you do to help yourself deal with the guilt? Like I said, he's doing good, but I guess I just feel bad because I can't spend 100% of time with either of them and it makes me feel terrible or that they will have trouble in the future with trust/loving each other or us etc.

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Sarahbeth7

Asked by Sarahbeth7 at 4:13 PM on Nov. 14, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,164 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I think those feelings are fairly common. My 4th was only 20 months old when I had my 5th. I put him in a preschool 2 mornings/week which gave him time away from the baby, and gave me time to focus on the baby without feeling like I was ignoring my older son. Get him involved in whatever you are doing with the baby and think of it as family time. They will both need some one on one time with you, but time together is also a lot of fun and can be bonding for the two of them. I have 5 and of course there are times I wish I had more time for each of them - but we have a whole lot of fun together and having siblings can teach them things I can't. Focus on the positives and don't dwell on the negatives!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • they will be fine, im sure! people have kids close in age all the time! as long as you recognise that yes, each kid does want and need some one on one time with mommy and daddy and its good to give them the attention they crave, but its not necessary ALL THE TIME. Your older child will adjust. i was nervous about having my third.. because my second seemed and still seems pretty needed. She likes having attention on her but on the same note she also loves babies..so its important to keep them involved.. help mommy dress the baby, can u bring mommy the baby's diaper.. things like that help them bond with their younger sibling and see that they are still just as important.. plus when the baby gets older and able to play with your older child.. they will be eachothers friend.
    kp0469

    Answer by kp0469 at 4:29 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My friend had this same feeling. Do you have help? What she did was spend some along time everyday with both of them. Also on the weekends since we're like sisters I would take one of the kids for a whole day. So every other weekend she got a full day with each of them. At the time the baby didn't realize it, but the older one loved it. And the feeling of guilt will go away, right now it's worse because of hormones and it's all new. Good luck
    mamacutie64316

    Answer by mamacutie64316 at 4:38 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • My second hasn't been born yet and I'm already feeling guilty. I love devoting 100% of my life and time to my daughter. She is fantastic! I hope everyday that she will adjust well and that I can overcome the exhaustion of having a newborn and not take my stress out on my family.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 4:43 PM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • It is common. I felt that way after I had my second child. I cried because my 4 year old was in another room and the baby was in the room with me. I felt I was neglecting her, so I went in her room and crawled in her bed with her. My husband suggested it since I was feeling so bad about it. It is just an adjustment to all the new and different things happening in your life. No doubt hormones play a big factor too. They are 3 and 7 now. We are all happy campers.
    SicklePickle

    Answer by SicklePickle at 8:43 AM on Nov. 15, 2012

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