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share share share inlaws vs. parents!!I HATE HURTING PEOPLE FEELINGS

So hears a long story. But I need advice. My older sister has a little girl she was my parents 1st grand child they dont have to share her with any1 becuz the father & his family r not involved at all. Well now Im expecting & it is my Mom in laws 1s t grandchild. Me & my BF are together & his family is VERY INVOLVED They have already gotten all kinds of things for the baby & they talk about plannin a shower & stuff well I know my family r goin to wanna plan a shower too & they really dont know each other very well so I don't want them both tryig to take control & causin competition between each other I see it happenin already. Also the whose gOna be in the room prblem I was in the room when my sister had her baby so she wants to be in the room when I have mine but I want my mom MIL & BF in there & my SIL wants to be in there too.. This is driving me crazy (another question about competition comin up) HELP!! I LOVE THEM ALL

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Asked by dixieQT at 11:39 AM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (8)
  • First off -- YOU do not need the stress of any BS right now..... so nip it in the bud.

    On the shower thing --- I'd suggest you tell your family that his family wants to be involved in the shower --- and tell his family the same thing about yours, then arrange for a lunch date or something with all of them long before shower-time so they can get to know each other and start bouncing ideas around.

    Bottom line -- it's YOUR shower. You should have final say over it.

    As for your sister -- she'll just have to understand & get over it. My best friend in highschool had a baby at 16. All her other friends dumped on her, I was the ONLY one to stand by her. I was at the hospital & wanted so badly to be in there with her -- but she wanted her mom & stepmom -- so I respected that I stood in the hallway. It didn't hurt my feelings... I understood. It's YOUR moment, you have that moment how YOU want to.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 11:47 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • My DD just had her second child. This is her DH's first. And his parent's first grandchild. And my second grandchild. So I was more then willing to let the other set of grandparents spend all of their money on the new baby. I did buy the new baby stuff. Just not as much as they did. Ask your parents how involved they want to be. They might be like me. You never know tell you ask.


    Answer by louise2 at 11:56 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • laura i totally agree with you on everything except the shower thing, if we all look up emily post who is well known for etiquitte (i know its not spelled right lol) we will know and understand that the shower is thrown FOR you and hosted by a friend or family member. to do a shower in another manner would suggest greed to your guests. its always ok to hint at what you want, and hey, whats so bad about 2 showers? i reccomend that you just simply hint around to your loved ones that want you to have the shower that you think there are going to be 2 showers unless they talk about it, that way at a minimum they can make sure you dont get the same big gifts twice (such as a swing or changing table) this way you dont have to choose which gift to return, and to add on to that to make it easier, make sure they both see you on the net looking at baby stuff you like, and create a registry, then when an item gets bought using your

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 12:03 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • registry, everyone but you knows that the item you wanted has been bought for you.

    Answer by no.1twinmommy at 12:04 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I don't think there is gonna be 2 showers I just think that they're r both gonna try to plan one and its gonna start competition!!

    Answer by dixieQT at 12:07 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Have two showers. One thrown by his side, one thrown by your side.

    Who is in the room? ONLY THE PEOPLE YOU WANT IN THERE and you have every right to change your mind right then and there and tell people to get out or go get more people. My first, I had my mom and the adoptive mother in the room. My second, my mom and my husband. For my third, I KNOW my MIL is going to want to be there, but guess what, it is MY hoo-haa exposed and she it NOT going to be in there. She will be in the waiting room with my dad and my daughter. The three on them can come in after the fact. There really is no need for a lot of people in the room. You really only need your coach/support person, the DR and a nurse or two. Everyone else can wait outside.

    Answer by IZs_mommy at 12:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • omg i know exactly what youre going thru. the same situation with my fam. EXACTLY! for the shower i had the two moms plan it together (now is their chance to get to know each other). in the labor room i had everyone in (my husband was in iraq) and it was overwhelming. it was really cool to have all those women around me when i was pushing, but during the labor i would reccomend only a couple. after everything there was still time sharing probs and jealousy so i went to google calanders and made a calander & gave them all access to it so they could see our plans equally and if we needed a sitter or if they wanted in on the plans they could come to us instead of feeling like we went to the other parent first. it really has pacified the situation. but its not easy! good luck!

    Answer by disheveled at 12:18 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • sometimes i think peopel can read my mind i am 27 weeks and still get asked so who is doing the shower for you and, i want to be the first for this and that. My brother said he want's to hold the baby after its born first because he has helped me more and stuff like that . Im like for one its my baby for two i am holding the baby first and then my mom is. For whos in the room i want my BF, MY MOMMY and i guess who ever asks i know for sure my mom because this is her first grand baby and it means alot to her. my BF has a blood problem and passes out easily so i don't know how that will work out but still.

    im having 2 showers one for my moms side of the family and prolly one on my own not sure yet.

    Answer by Katiebears89 at 12:22 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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