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4 Bumps

Why is it such a big deal to let her spend the night with her own father?

My boyfriend gets his daughter on Thanksgiving, right? Well, we won't be back until 7-8 at night-her bedtime. He gets her Fridays, too. For practicality purposes we want her to spend the night. It makes so much more sense for that instead of him having to drive an hour out of his way on Thursday then having to drive there again Friday morning. He told his ex this last night and she said "I'm not ready for that." Then sent him a text later that went on about how she doesn't get to spend enough time with her and she hates having to work full time and hates that time is flying by and blah blah blah.

It infuriates me that she had the gall to say that SHE doesn't get enough time with her but yet she gets her every night. I understand wanting your baby, but she chose to have her and now has to deal with sharing her.

Is it really that big of a deal? If she didn't want to share her kid than she shouldn't have had a kid with him.


Asked by SaraD1989 at 6:30 PM on Nov. 17, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,457 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (73)
  • I just want to say, first of all, that it is NOT about the parents "having to share her". She's not a damn piece of property. She is an individual, a child for whom both parents are responsible. The ONLY thing that matters is what is best for the child, not who is "sharing" who.

    Answer by Kword at 6:43 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • She also need stability and consistency at her age and to be with her mother. I have no idea what the personal situation is there, but normally, it is more healthy for a child that age to sleep in the same bed every night, to have the same schedule, and to be with her mother during that time of security.

    Answer by Kword at 6:47 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • Maybe she doesn't trust you, maybe you're the problem.

    Answer by tnm786 at 7:36 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • We've been together, in a committed relationship, since August. I dated someone else while I knew him.

    Since August & it's only Nov. So, that's a whopping 3 months. And, you're already calling her step daughter & making demands. WOW!

    Answer by 3libras at 8:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • She had a child with someone and now has to share her.
    Says the woman who doesn't have to worry about someone else tucking their child in at night.

    You don't get and no one is really going to be able to explain it.
    This is however the child's mom, not you.
    You are and, unless she proves herself to be completely unfit, will always only ever be the Step-Mom.

    Answer by feralxat at 7:23 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • How long have you been with your BF? Because as a Mom I would not let my child sleep over with someone I did not know very well. How long were they married? There are a lot of factors here. To make a statement about "good guys" sweetie you have no clue. You are in for a rude awakening. First you want to trump the grandparents and now you want to tell the Mom when her 14 month can have sleep overs.

    Answer by DJDNY at 7:33 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • So you are in this for 3 months and you want to tell the Mom & grandparents what they should do. WTF. I have read some of your posts and i would have thought you were with him for years they way you want to control things. I think you need to really think hard before you go any further. Read this again.


    Answer by DJDNY at 8:16 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • Until he works on court ordered visitation this will continue to be an issue. In the meantime, he will have to work with mom on appropriate visitation, or at least what she is comfortable doing. Baby is really very young for an overnight visit so I can see both sides to this, to be honest

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 6:50 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • This is not how real life works. You don't get to just say "this is the way it will be, because I demand this is the way it will be" and POOF! It's done. You keep turning this on the little girl's mom. I'd be very cautious about doing that. First, this little girl loves her mom and if you get in the habit of hostility towards her, this will be an issue. Second, your boyfriend ALSO chose to reproduce with this woman and he's had plenty of time to iron out a visitation agreement. If he hasn't done so, that's his gig. His and the mother of the child.

    And yeah, I know a LOT about this. I lived it, as the birth mother. I don't know how long you've been with your fiance but what I have noticed over the last several days is that you have decided how things are going to be without any care for anyone else in the world. It's your way or the highway.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:36 PM on Nov. 17, 2012

  • Yes, fine, she chose this.

    And by marrying him you are choosing to have this conversation every holiday, summer and every other weekend.
    Wait until the bills start coming in, and not just medical. The kid is going to have dance, ballet gymnastics hell, IDK computer camp. And you and he are going to have to share.
    And in 20 or so years, it's going to be a fight over who walks the kid down the aisle, pays for school

    Just saying- let it go. Support him, but really if you start stressing over these things, you're going to have a crappy relationship with the mom and it may spill over to the relationship with the kid and man.

    Answer by feralxat at 7:37 PM on Nov. 17, 2012