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4 Bumps

DH changing

I feel disconnected to my DH. He is more distant and is acting unhappy 90% of the time. A few weeks ago he started accusing me of cheating, the last week or so it has not been as bad. I try to love on him and he either just lays there or think I'm coming onto him and when I tell him I'm just trying to love on him, he gets mad. I have a low sex drive. I have been to the dr, but she was no help. Anyways, I asked him if he was unhappy yesterday and he said no, but I feel like he is. I just don't know what is going on with him. I get depressed and I am starting to be unhappy because I don't feel connected or even loved by him. What should I do?

We have been having marital problems off and on for 2 years. Last year we almost separated. He got addicted to pills and when I confronted him, he got angry and made me leave with our kids for a few days. That happened twice. And he is bad about lying. I have tried many times and in many ways to get him to stop with the lying and just tell the truth. It is hard to tell the difference anymore. It's hard not to fantasize about a man who I see in love stories. A man that's not like my DH. He was not like this when we got married, but we were young. I was 18 and he was 19. We are 22 and 23 now.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:48 AM on Nov. 18, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Hey! Bags packed yet?

    Answer by staciandababy at 8:44 AM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • If he wants to separate, HE should be the one leaving, not you. It would be a good time to go to a lawyer and find out how to handle legal issues of a separation or break up, this way you'll have the information just in case. You both should get medical check ups, low libido, change of personality, both could be due to medical issues. Find out for sure.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:43 AM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • Omg you are STILL YOUNG. When you said you were young when you got married I thought you were going to say you were in your 30s or something now! If he changed THAT much in just a couple of years imagine what he's going to be like in a couple more. Both of you are still growing into the people you are going to be and this is the man he is becoming. Do you want that? If so, stick around. If not, hit the road. He's not going to change anytime soon. Maybe, MAYBE in a couple decades he'll realize he screwed his life up and try to become a better person but he's so young now that he's not going to be thinking of that anytime soon. I guarantee you it will get worse before it gets better, IF it ever gets better. Your choice.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:06 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • Wow 22is SOOO young. Try therapy but if someone wants out there really is no way around it. Good luck.

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:43 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • 23 and low sex drive? I guess it could be. I have never me a man with one. You sure he is not the one cheating? He made you leave? How did he do that? He can't make you leave your house! Time to leave, and for good this time.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:41 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • No I have the low drive and I am 22. Ever since I had my youngest son, which I almost died from. And I honestly don't know if he is cheating or not. He told me to leave. I was too upset anyway. I just wanted to be around my family so I stayed with my grandparents.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • Please do not leave your home. Children should NEVER have to leave their home. If he doesn't want to be with you then let HIM be the one to go.

    Answer by winterglow at 6:16 AM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Ok, I miss read their on the "low sex drive" part. I understand why you would have it.
    But still you should not be forced out of your home. Next time put your foot down. Tell him to leave if he doesnot want to be with you.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:51 AM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Being married so young, of course people are bound to change, which is why I would not recommend marriage that early. You're both still figuring yourselves out, your careers, your boundaries, your strengths/weaknesses, etc. His pill problems need to be corrected and stabilized because the "him" on the pills may not be the same "him" you married. Ask him to consider a rehab program. Tell him it is one of the steps you both need to take before giving up on the marriage. It's his chance to prove he wants to work on it. Maybe take time apart to "find yourselves" not necessarily divorce but just see if other factors may be adding to this disconnection you feel. It sounds though that most of the problems are with him. He sounds very insecure, very uncertain about what he wants from life. Suggest that he go to school, even part-time. He needs a direction and maybe school can help. If he's physically abusive, absolutely leave him.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 4:26 AM on Nov. 20, 2012

  • I got married at 18, and that was almost 48 years ago. Your low sex drive could be the cause of most of the problems in your marriage. When you don't want your husband, he feels that as total rejection of himself as a person. It affects everything else he does. The way you think about your husband has a very big influence on your sex drive. You stated a lot of negatives here, which makes me think you think negatively about him a lot. You are both still very young, and there is much hope for your marriage. You may need some help to figure out the changes that you both need to make. There are tons of good books available on marriage. You might start by reading LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs or THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you can't afford to pay for counseling, call your local churches and ask who offers trained counseling for free. Our church does, and so do many others.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:13 AM on Nov. 20, 2012

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