Have a question for other moms like you? CafeMom Answers is the mom-only place to get answers to your questions about parenting, your home, and more.
I have been married a little over a year to a man who has been both physically and emotionally abusive. He has a serious addiction to pain pills which has him now incarcerated. Up until a week ago we were living apart and headed to divorce court, and now he wants to enter rehab and attempt to salvage our marriage.
4 months ago while my husband was on a drug binge I began talking to another man, and ended up cheating on my husband and becoming pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy and there is no way this is his child. We both have several children from prior marriages and this is not what he agreed to when he married me. He is beyond devastated at the thought of me being pregnant by another man, and I surely understand that. He asked me to have an abortion over a month ago and I could not. The man I has the affair with is a disaster as well. I am torn, not sure of what to do. I feel no connection to this innocent baby and I know it is all my own fault. If I keep this baby I will at a minimum lose my marriage, be forced to raise this child alone..... I don't know what to do. I am not even certain that I could go through with an adoption. Please give me some advice. Thank you very much.
Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2012 in Relationships
Give that little baby the BEST life possible. Let her be adopted by a couple who really WANTS & NEEDS her. Give her the thing she needs the most, a secure & loving family. A life without despair, sadness & upset. GL. :(
Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:17 PM on Nov. 19, 2012
You are going to continue to get treated that way because you allow it, rehab or not. Trust me, I've been there.. What you do with the pregnancy is your choice..But, giving away a child because YOUR ABUSIVE MANIPULATIVE HUSBAND says no? Thats a no go..
Answer by MsViv at 1:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2012
Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2012
Answer by JackieGirl007 at 4:15 PM on Nov. 19, 2012
Answer by mamide02ninas at 8:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2012
Answer by winterglow at 3:39 AM on Nov. 20, 2012
I hadn't seen the part about only been married a year. You were on the brink of divorce after only a year. Try to look at the big picture. In one year:
- he was physically and mentally abusive,
- he was incarcerated for drug abuse,
- you were so unhappy you went and had sex with another guy,
- you have been living apart,
- you were ready for divorce.
That's an awful lot of things to happen in one year. I can hardly get over the fact that things are this bad after only one year. Is it worth trying to salvage? Like I said, once an abuser always an abuser - there is no magic solution. If you can't bear the idea of adoption, can you bear the idea of bringing a child up in such an unhappy home?
Answer by winterglow at 8:38 AM on Nov. 20, 2012
Answer by madmueller at 10:33 AM on Nov. 20, 2012
Answer by gdiamante at 12:09 PM on Nov. 20, 2012
Answer by ggandsmom at 6:35 PM on Dec. 28, 2012
Next question overall
Sideways Stories From Wayside School- for a Kindergartener?
Recently Bumped in Life & Home
why do men call thir signifigant others awful names