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I have been crying all day i need advice how can i trust him?

My bf and I have been together for three years and have a son together. We have sex 2-4 times a week it varies. He messaged a girl in the past about hooking up with her and it never happened I guess he said he was sorry he even messaged her and wasn't going to go through with it he said he was mad at me and that's why he did it. that was a year or so ago.

I found out the other night that he has been sending inappropriate messages to a women he knows and I think that he is doing stuff with her (sex, oral) I think something has went down between them I can't prove it for a fact but my instinct tells me. He denies it said he was sorry and knows its inappropriate and that he loves me and doesn't want me to leave. He is always looking at porn on his phone even the days I have sex with him. He makes me feel like I am not pretty enough or good enough at sex. I don't understand, I am not that ugly or fat, it's not like I just lay there during sex.

I want my boyfriend to just want me. I only want him I do not fantasize or try to hook up with anyone, If i have a fantasy he is involved in it and only him. I certainly have never even thought about cheating its so wrong to do to someone. Why don't men just break up and be single so they can have sex with whoever without destroying someones self esteem and self worth. I don't understand why he cheats on me and lies to me all of the time but then cries and says don't leave me when i tell him i'm done with him. I am so upset and have been crying on and off all day I don't know what to do anymore or how I can trust him. He says he is done with all of that stuff now but how am I supposed to believe him he has said it 100 times. What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Nov. 19, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • if you cant trust him which he has proved he has broken many times kick his ass to the curb. He got away with it one and thinks he can keep doing it. He isnt worth your tears.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:06 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • You know what to do. You just need to find the courage to do it. It isn't easy. Good Luck!

    Answer by hootie826 at 1:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • You can't change him. He can only change himself, and he has proven over and over he isn't trustworthy. He is a liar, and you are just encouraging him to continue by taking him back every time.

    Relationships not built on trust are not worth having. Stand up for yourself for once and let him go. Your son will only be learning by example if you continue to stay with this man.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 1:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • A lot of men believe it or not, DO NOT want to see or even think of another man raising their child even if it's in the far future. So he stays, but does what he wants to do because he knows your not going anywhere. Until you put your foot down and let go of the 'ok ok ok' with him he's going to continue the cycle..

    Answer by MsViv at 1:13 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Your boyfriend is just that. A BOY.He's not grown up enough. Time to dump him.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Leave his ass

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 1:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • MsViv that is certainly food for thought.


    OP- You can PM me if you want to talk.

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • I am in a situation right now that makes it difficult to leave. I moved away from my family, i am a stay at home mom now and I don't have any money saved because I don't work and I don't own a car either, If i moved I would probably have to find a low income apartment but in my hometown they are scarce and its hard to get into them. There are long waiting lists and I wouldn't have a place to go in the mean time until i got approved, plus my daughter is in kindergarten here and I hate to move her mid year. I want to give him another chance but I don't know how to trust him again.

    I cheated on an ex a few years ago and felt horrible, I told on myself and really regretted it. Its the only time I ever cheated and I felt so guilty. I was only 17 when I cheated so it was an immature decision. I guess the point is people say once a cheater always a cheater, but i cheated once and never will again so maybe people can change :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:27 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Focus on getting yourself to a place in life where you can support yourself. Once you get there, then leave. Don't depend on a man for everything, never a good idea girl. They let us down too often they KNOW you won't leave, so they treat you however they want. Go to school, get a job, do something other than let him take care of you and cheat on you. NO excuses! Good luck, and big hugs!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 4:06 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • You have free will here. You can choose to be a victim or you can plan to save for six months, get on the waiting list for housing, contact family where you can stay and get the hell out. I'd plan an exit strategy and consider getting work part time while your child is in Kindergarten.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2012

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