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Are these signs of a potential abuser?

A friend of mine is in a relationship, and it worries me. Her bf gets upset when she talks to any males. He tells her she's "cold" and doesn't show affection enough. She's always scared something will upset him. He recently told her that calling her a b*itch is no more mean than her being "cold". He justifies bullying her by saying he does it because she pulls away, and it hurts him.
She asked for some "me" time, and the whole time, he kept telling her how much it hurts him. I've seen her be nice to him, and he always asks how long until she's cold again. She's the sweetest person I know. This guy really freaks me out. He gets depressed/angry over even little expressions she uses.

I fear she's losing herself to walk on eggshells for him.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • yes im in one well was those are signs she cant see and me either. but i do now we still together and getting alot better

    Answer by Lauren2008 at 1:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • she needs out of that situation or sorry to say one day you are gonna get a call that your friend is dead men like that are dangerous and toxic,they can take over the strongest of womens mind body and soul and leave a empty cold shell of a humane who is destin to a early grave due to a coward of a so called man who has ruind there being ,,,i wish her all the luck and hope she see that she has no future with him......btw does she have kids?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Yes she has three kids. They are not his. He seems very insecure. He seriously gets upset if she doesn't look at him enough or contradicts him. I heard one discussion where she respectfully disagreed, and he told her to stop attacking him. He said, "stop making it about "you" and "I", and more about "us" and "we" " Like he panics if ANYTHING makes them separate people!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • yeah she needs out i was in a sitiation like that it does not get better and she needs to love her children more then him and get out before they end up without a mommy or worse he takes sum of his problems out on the kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I dated a guy a lot like that once, trust me when I say that the best thing for her is to get out, a guy who can't stand to see his SO have any personal time is dangerous and will get worse. The guy I dated started out just like that, when I didn't agree with him he thought it was because I wanted to hurt him, from there it turned into stalking when I told him I wasn't quitting college to move in with him, so believe me, it's much better for her to get out now and get as far away from him as possible because once they know they have you on eggshells then they feel like they can do anything and get away with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Yes this is the start of abuse!!! He is making her feel like his behavior is her fault and this behavior typically escalates! The abuser also put the person down, which will lower the person self-esteem and make that person feel like she needs him to make her feel better. He is also exhibiting the control, the fact that he "needs" her so much is not right. His jealousy is so very dangerous! To be honest w/you I have been there and done that and she needs to walk away right now while she can! She needs to cut him off, do not answer his calls!

    If you have anymore questions please feel free to ask me!

    Answer by Summer04 at 3:58 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • He's still doing this to her right now. They each gave a list of things they need from a relationship, and his were to never feel left behind, never ridicule him in public, even jokingly, and respond to his pdas. I mean the rest, that I didn't mention, were normal, but those three..

    She questioned them, and he's on her for doing so, and she's doing it nicely. He's saying he supported her list (which is frickin normal), and saying she's casting his aside.

    nuts and scary

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Yes she is and she needs to get away from him,I was in a relationship like this and he sounds like this guy isnt all there anyway,she needs to get away and stay away.

    Answer by geenabelle at 7:35 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • this is the start of a very dangerous position. don't leave your friend and no matter how hard she starts to push, give the space but be right there. i just came out of a relationship that sounds alot like your friends and he sits now in jail awaiting a trial for my kiddnapping and assult case he was charged with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

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