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I am living with the father of my little girl so pretty much we are in a relationship. He has other kids with 2 different women (4) 3 of them come everyother weekend and the oldest doesnt even bother (puberty time and hes more of a mommas boy) Anywho, I have a problem trying to have his 3 other kids to listen to me when I ask them to do something around the house but they said they dont have to listen to me because I am nobody to them. What should I do?

The 3 kids are 11, 7, and 3. 2boys and a little girl. Their mother and I had previous problems in the past that it got to a point that I had to press charges on her for assault when I was pregnant. She still has a feud with me because I had a baby with her exhusb. (my boyfriend) She tells the kids that they dont need to listen to me at all. They dont pick up after themselves or listen to me when they have to clean their mess up. If i tell them constantly they ignore me and try to look away. When they go back home they tell their mom everything and she calls their dad and tells him that I "yelled" at the kids. She complicates things for me and him. I try to ignore but it fires me up. She cant do nothing to me because she knows how I am, but I think that she is getting at me through the kids to give me a hard time. This has been going on for 3 yrs. I cant keep on going with this feud and I love the father of my little girl.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Feb. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Does he leave them alone with you? If he does, tell him he can't until they start to respect you. It may cause issues, but please, they should at least listen as well as they would to a sitter. If they aren't, you shouldn't have to watch them.

    If he is home, get on him about their behavior. If neither he, the kids or the kids mom wants to disciplining them, don't. Tell him he needs to. If they won't clean up, make it his job. It is one thing to be a bigger person and try to make the situation run smoothly. It is another to be a doormat to a bunch of inconsiderate little shits that are told not to listen.

    That is just my opinion though...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • The most important thing is to have your husband back you up. If they see that he repsects you and he makes them respect you then it will slowly get better.

    Just make it clear this is your house and your rules. They have their rules at thier mom's house.
    brannen

    Answer by brannen at 1:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Your boyfriend, the children's father, needs to deal with this issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Well its between your bf and his ex not you. You arent married to their dad so in reality you are nothing to them. Youre his gf not his wife and you can leave anytime and thats how kids see things and I promise you the way their moms telling them as well.
    I would tell your bf that he has to talkto the kids about respecting you when in the home or when he isnt home. Leave the discipline to him though and dont yell at them. Ask them to do things but dont try and parent them they know you arent their mom. Then when things DONT get done and your bf says wth you can say well I asked and this is how well they listen to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Your boyfriend, the children's father, needs to deal with this issue.

    totally agree with you!!
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 2:02 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Your boyfriend needs to deal with this - as in talk to the mother. She needs to realise her immaturity and that this whole thing isnt about her, its about her kids seeing their father. The only way this can be dealt with is if your boyfriend and her talk through the issue I think,.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 2:03 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • He better be worth it, that's all I have to say.

    He needs to sit down with his children and set them straight.

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:09 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Your boyfriend needs to step in here. He needs to make it clear to these kids that while they are at your house they will listen to you, period. Otherwise they'll spend the whole weekend in time out. And when they go home and complain to their mama, she can call and talk to him and he can tell her, yes they were in time out, they will respect my girlfriend while in this house, whether you like it or not!
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Say to them, you will listen because I am the adult and you are the child. And stick to it. If any of the other moms or your man has a problem w/ it, it is their problem. He can leave but you need to demand respect now if you are going to have to put up with the children.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 2:16 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • it looks as if the exwife is not over him and will not make things easy for you...
    if ur gurlz father does not intervene or make sure the kids understand who u are to him, u should think of moving on.
    unless he's worth all the pain ur going thru.
    sometimes absence brings u closer...other times it doesn't.
    only u would know which one will work for u.
    good luck.
    JANIKA66

    Answer by JANIKA66 at 5:42 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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