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If I wanted to invite friends and family to a 60th Bd party at at restaurant, do I have to pay for everyone?

I checked on etiquette sites and almost everyone says it's not proper to have guest pay for their own checks. I am no financially able to afford to pay for 50+ people. And no I cannot cut the list down, because then it become why did you invite her/him and not me.
I want it to be a surprise Bd party. We can do a pot-luck where everyone brings a dish, but then Mom would know. Rather, it would be obvious to her. Where as at a restauraunt everyone would already be there when we show up to have dinner.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. But please keep the negatives. Thanks

Answer Question

Asked by Danni143 at 2:52 PM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Food & Drink

Level 16 (3,017 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • If you are inviting them then yes you should pay for them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • yes but call around - we went to a party at a diner instead of a fancier restaurant. and really there is nothing wrong, and it's a heck of a lot easier on everyone's nervies, to tell the honored person. hardly ever in history is the honored person truly truly surprised - somebody always leaks something. also you can just have appetizers, or'deurves instead of a meal. or a chicken or beef dish or fish dish and mashed or fries or cesear's sald - if you feel truly obligated to pay for every one with a meal limit the choice to just two instead of choice of menu. have fun!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • We do this for my grandma and everybody pays for themselves, but it is all family. If you need a polite way to tell them you could maybe put something small on the invitaion that menu items range from $10 to $15 and specify no gifts. Just put something like Let's meet and eat...

    Answer by ria7 at 3:20 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • If you are going to a restaurant, then yes, you should pay. You have other options though. 1st, do you have any siblings or other family members who could help you with planning (and paying)? Second, have you thought about doing a potluck, but renting a space? You can often get a place like a clubhouse where a friend lives, or from your church if you go to one.

    Answer by AngelDawn7 at 3:25 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Everyone could pitch in if you ask.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • You could go somewhere that is famious for big platters of food to share and order a few of those. Or order a few of the appitizer samplers and that is what people would eat.
    You should not ask people to meet at a reasurant unless your paying. It's just not right otherwise. Heck people who would love to be there might not be able to if they have to pay for it themselves. You want it to be a suprize do it at someones home, or rent the party room at a movie theater or someplace and just order a few pizzas.

    Answer by shortnsweetisme at 10:53 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I have a very large family & everyone ALWAYS pays for themselves. Friends that come along always pay for themselves also. We always have family functions & this way has worked out just fine for us. But everyone is different. Do you feel is best.

    Answer by ilovebooksfan at 2:05 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • We've been to a 50 birthday...When you send out invites...invite place date time...come join us to celebrate 60th... No gifts please. Dutch Treat. or invite a select few and pay..but call location ahead of time and get package deals. I know we've done ladies parties to where they can $10, $12, $14 a person have a two entree choice, side dish, drink and dessert. You have to determine what or if you can spend.

    Answer by heavenschild99 at 2:03 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

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