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3 Bumps

Telling college student not to come home?

My dd 19, went off to college, she's the oldest of 3. She went to school 12 hrs away by car, in another state. She called me the other day and asked if next year she could come back home and just take classes in the small town we live in.
How do i tell her my fears of her going back into her old life meaning hanging around an older crowd, going out to all hours of the night, etc?
I don't think, her coming back to this town is a good idea. It's a trap of a town, i was so happy to see her get out and experiance the world. (I myslef plan on leaving when the youngest finishes high school)
I'm worried she'll quit school and just work at a restraunt, which she did for town years while in high school. They're letting her work durning holiday's while she's at home, so she has a job here.

What to do?

What should I say to her?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Nov. 25, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • What are her reasons for wanting to come home? Depending on the answer to that question, I would put my concerns in writing and make it clear that she is an adult now and needs to get a place of her own. I also left a trap of a town so I know what you mean about that. Let her know that moving back home will only hinder her progress and she needs to reconsider her options.

    Answer by twanzo at 12:07 PM on Nov. 30, 2012

  • Looking back on my life, I sure wish my momma would have sat me down and told me that. I should have NEVER left NY. Write her a letter. Pour your heart, feelings, concerns and the truth into it. Sometimes it's easier to express ourselves via written language instead or orally.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 5:03 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • just tell her your concerns and help her see that being away is the best thing for her and her future!

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 4:49 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • Just tell her exactly what you just told us. Then tell her no. Stay in school were you are.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:27 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • She probably is homesick. Tell her that she needs to give the place more time, that it is normal to feel the way she does.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:47 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • Often when kids leave the nest some have a hard time getting over being home sick, it takes a while to adapt...tell her that she is better off where she is where she might have a future, tell her she is not a quitter, that she can come home after she graduates. hopefully by then she would have changed her mind...

    Answer by older at 8:43 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • Just say no

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:21 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • I agree with telling her how you feel. She hasn't been there long enough to really give it a try. She's probably just a little homesick. I'd encourage her to stick it out & really try to make a go of it where she is.


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:38 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • I agree with everyone else. She will regret it one day too.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 9:34 AM on Nov. 25, 2012

  • Yeah, tell her No. If she comes home, you are right, she moves back in and forgets all responsibilities. If she wants to stop taking classes and move back, tell her fine, but she gets her own place and gets a full time job. That's what I did with both of my girls. Been on their own ever since.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:30 PM on Nov. 25, 2012