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Is it our responsibility to help out grandmother with transportation?

My husband's ex-mother-in-law called him the other day and wants to take SD12 to church with her on Wednesday evenings. Nice right? Well, the church is from 7:30 to 9 and her bedtime is 9. This place is over 1/2 hour away from us. And to boot, the grandmother is not supposed to drive at night so she said she will come get her but wants me and husband to go pick her up.

My line of thought is heck no. Unless there is a special occasion, she should not be out past her bedtime on a school night. And why should we have to go pick her up?? First, there is no way if the tables were turned that the favor would be returned. That whole family makes my husband out to be hitler when in fact they are just a bunch of lunatic women. And we also have a 3 month old that goes to bed around that time. Am I being unreasonable?

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georgeswife5014

Asked by georgeswife5014 at 4:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • You are not being unreasonable. By the time your Sdaughter got home it would be 9:30, then another half hour to get ready for bed. Besides the child would have homework. A one time thing- a special program, or on a day that the child doesn't have school the next day, then maybe. Explain that your SD gets very tired on school nights and just can't stay up that late. and mention that her homework takes most of her evenings to do.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:02 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • No, you are not being unreasonable. Why can't she go to church with them on the weekend instead of a school night? If they really want her around they will come pick her up and take turns. They need to know that is not OK.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • You are in no way being unreasonable. Just be polite and thank her for the offer, but you talked it over and you will pass. If she questions it, just say, we've made our minds up, no thank you.

    Be firm, you can do it!! You are the mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Why don't you just ask your step daugther what she would like to do and if she would like to go? If so I would probably help out with transport. If she doesnt then dont do it..and if it starts to affect her negatively and disrupt her week then I would rethink it also. Once a week isnt going to hurt..but that should be up to your step daughter.

    I think you should just do what you think is the right thing to do and not focus on what other people wont do for you...I don't think you should let the fact that they wouldn't do it in return be a reason for not helping out the grandmother who cant drive at night.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:24 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Does your SD have any say? There might actually be something positive for her going to church with her grandmother, even on a weeknight. Since you didn't mention the BioMom, I assume she's out of the picture or has no say in this matter as well? I would suggest you find out what your SD wants to do - she's old enough to stay out once a week as long as it doesn't negatively affect her.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 7:29 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • First off.. the one sitting on her high horse who thinks I should do it just to be nice regardless of whether or not they would do it if we asked obviously has no experience with an ex-wife or ex-mother-in-law of this caliber otherwise you would not have made that statement.

    This is an ex-wife who told her 4 and 2 year old children at the time of their divorce that the reason they did not see their father for a month was because he didn't want to see them--he had better things to do. The truth was that his ex-wife would not tell him where they were and never provided him with contact information. The only reason she contacted him after a month was because she wanted him to start paying child support.. which he did no questions asked and no court mandate.
    georgeswife5014

    Answer by georgeswife5014 at 8:23 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • And we did this last night. As i suspected it was ridiculous. She lied about the church ending at 8:30--it was 9:15 before they let out and we didn't get back until almost 10. She was dog tired this morning (which I knew was going to happen b/c on occasion we have allowed her to stay up and watch a show until 10) at 6:30 am when she gets up. She sleeps 9.5 hours a night and that is what she needs to function properly.

    And I get up at 6 am and because we were out so late it took me until 11:30 to get everything done for the next day (ie bathing my son, laundry, restocking 2 diaper bags, making bottles for the daycare..). I'm exhausted this morning. She was told that this will be a once in a long while occurrence but that if she wants to go on the weekends, including our weekends with her, then she is more than welcome to do that.
    georgeswife5014

    Answer by georgeswife5014 at 8:27 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • And no, bioMom is not ouf the picture by the way--she has custody of the 9 year old daughter and the 12 year old chose to live with us--and then they spend every other weekend with us.
    georgeswife5014

    Answer by georgeswife5014 at 8:29 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Wow...sounds like your situation is pretty horrid and I'm sorry that your daughter spending extra time with her grandmother is such a huge inconvenience for you. Yeah, she's tired (what teen isn't?). Good luck next time! And of course we don't know your situation with the ex and MIL - you give us a bare minimum of the facts, but keep all the details to yourself so we can't really recommend what you want to hear because WE DON'T KNOW the details. Sorry!
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:15 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • You are hilarious JPsMommy. And apparently you don't very well. The initial question said the following:

    That whole family makes my husband out to be hitler when in fact they are just a bunch of lunatic women.

    And in the second reply:
    This is an ex-wife who told her 4 and 2 year old children at the time of their divorce that the reason they did not see their father for a month was because he didn't want to see them--he had better things to do. The truth was that his ex-wife would not tell him where they were and never provided him with contact information.

    If that doesn't tell you what kind of family we're dealing with and if you think that kind of behavior is acceptable, perhaps you should get counseling. AND BTW..I try and make sure my SD has the proper amount of sleep. This is why she is on the honor roll; her sister goes to sleep when she wants to and she falls asleep in class. I think I'm doing a good job :)
    georgeswife5014

    Answer by georgeswife5014 at 10:32 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

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