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7 Bumps

Why should someone love their husband more than their kids?? Am I wrong or are they?

My husband and I have had our bouts of not getting along lately. I have asked a member of my family and a friend of mine both for advice and both of them said basically the same thing, they said I need to make him feel wanted and needed and let him know that I put his needs first and love him and put him ahead of the kids. I just do not agree with this.

Your children need you. Your husband is a grown man, capable of making his meals, doing his laundry, taking care of and protecting himself. Children are not capable of all of that especially young children.

And yes, I do understand that one day it will be just my husband and I and the kids will have their own lives, but even then, they are my blood relatives I will love them forever and care for them even after they leave our home because they are my children. Even if your kids hate you for some reason they are still your children and your blood you can't undo it, If you and your husband don't get along or if he finds someone younger and prettier he can file for divorce and leave and be out of your life, you don't have to deal with him again, so to me kids are permanently yours and a husband can be permanently yours but it's not a guarantee.

Am I wrong or are they wrong??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Nov. 27, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (28)
  • I don't think its so much of what things you literally do for him, but it's true. Children deserve a happy home with both of their parents. It's a different type of love. It's how you interact towards each other that children really pick up on.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 3:14 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • I agree with you. My children came before my ex husband (yes, I said ex).
    Maybe I did it wrong but, I agree that grown men should be capable of taking care of themselves & shouldn't have to be "babied".
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 3:18 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • I completely agree with you! I will always love my kids over my spouse (if I had one, I felt the same when I was married to their dad)
    I dont understand why they say your spouse should come first
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:18 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • I will say that the other way of thinking seems to be part of the old fashioned "male dominant" way of thinking. That is now being reborn so to speak with the "proverbs wives" movement (scary stuff).

    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 3:21 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • You love each differently. However you chose your husband and said you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life. That takes time amd effort. Remember he was there before the children and hopefully will be there arfter the children have take wingo on their own.
    Of course you love you children they are the reality of you expression of love, you DH and you.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:24 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • It depends on what you are speaking of. Yes, your husband is capable of doing all those things...taking care of HIMSELF, and your children aren't. So in that way, yes, they must come first. But there is another side...and I don't mean sitting there taking abuse just to have your family together. You CHOSE to be with him, love him, have children with him. It can be a most amazing thing, as long as both parties are on the same side. Granted, there will be times of trouble. No marriage is 100% perfect. But it is up to you and him to decide if its worth fighting for or not. Yes, it is important to put him first (aka, go on that date you haven't gone on in over 5 years, spend some quality time ALONE with him away from the kids). So, in essence, you BOTH are correct, you just have a differing point of view.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 3:28 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • If the foundation is not strong,the whole thing collapses.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:34 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • I think the balance shifts as life goes on. In the beginning, yes, kids need more of you than your spouse. But, as time goes on and children become more independent, your spouse should start moving up the pecking order. He can't be expected to always be second fiddle. In my opinion, your spouse needs to feel as valuable to you as your children. I think it is unfair to have unconditional love for your children, but conditional love for your spouse. Frankly, neither one is guaranteed to be in your life permanently.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 3:35 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • I don't go anywhere alone with him because we don't have reliable child care where we are now. I am content with spending time with him at home but he needs to realize that we both chose to create these children and knew in advance they didn't come out and raise themselves, we knew they needed us. He also agreed I would be a stay at home mom so this is my job as well as my reward, I don't come and expect him to give me more attention over his job because his job is important and in essence more important than me because if he didn't do his job we wouldn't have a roof over our heads or food. My job is to be my children's care giver and run the household and if I didn't do my job the kids would be running around doing whatever they wanted and the house would be a mess. My job mommy ranks over him, and his job making money so we can survive ranks over me, our jobs win, my job just happens to be something i love my kids.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:36 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

  • Your children may not be guaranteed to BE in your life eternally because they could choose to move away never call again etc, but they will always be your blood, your children your creations, if your husband leaves he is just another man in the universe if you get a divorce you no longer have a bond with him and you can move on, i could never move on and not spare a thought for my kids again no matter how much they avoided me. They are always mine if imy husband and i divorce i can't say that he is always mine.

    I see what people are saying i guess i just needed to vent and not everyone will see it the same way, but i made these babies and they will be first above even my own life until im dead.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:39 PM on Nov. 27, 2012

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