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2 Bumps

Seriously tired of this crap adult content

my ex MIL constantly asking me if my 6 year old is going over to their house along with my younger two daughters and the answer is always NO, NO, HELL NO. my ex's visits have to be supervised, and i recently started sending my younger two over there every Sunday for 8 hours, and keeping my oldest, who is not biologically his, with me. she has never once expressed that she wants to go too, and i always make the day about her. we do things together just the two of us and have a wonderful day together. usually i show up without her and leave her home with my parents while i drop them off, and EVERYTIME she asks where's Lily? i say at home, and she rolls her eyes and gets huffy about it.

they were suppose to have them all weekend this weekend for the first time, starting yesterday at 5. luckily i called first because apparenlty unbeknownst to me the plans had changed to this morning at 10. i wasnt upset of course because that meant more time with my children, but still, principle of the matter. so this morning i call to make sure they have clothes for them and she informs me that they do not, even though they've known for months that they'd start weekends with them this weekend. so now im having to provide clothing for them (which again of course i want my children to have clothes over there but THEY need to provide that shit especially since he doesnt pay a dime in CS) and already frustrated about that.

so then while on the phone she proceeds to ask if she's getting two or three, and like always, i say two. i mean obviously if i wont even allow her to go for a day im sure as hell not sending her over for a whole fucking weekend. she huffs over the phone and claims that she doesnt want her wondering why sisters get to go with daddy and she doesn't, and gives me an attitude about it. i wasnt about to argue with her though especially before im sending my children over there for the whole weekend.

but its seriously pissing me off, like, back the fuck off lady. she's my child, not his, and she has no obligations with that family. and its so funny that while we were married, she had very little contact with my children, especially my oldest, but now all of a sudden she's grandma of the fucking year.

sorry ladies, just had to vent i guess, but idk what else to say or do. i dont like sending them over there when she acts like an idiot and causes tension. i wish she'd just keep her damn trap shut about it.

Answer Question
 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 8:08 AM on Dec. 1, 2012 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Not to be the downer here, but I think it's so kind that she wants all 3 and she doesn't want your dd to feel left out. I would definately be frustrated with the clothing situation ( I went through that too, half the clothes you buy end up missing or ruined or they outgrow them before they even really wear them b/c they got left at their dads) and I would be mad about the child support. Have you ever asked Lily if she wanted to go over there? It would be nice for you to have a break from all three no? Do you worry that grandma wouldn't treat her right?
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:36 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I'm just confused about her intentions. My ex certainly doesn't care that she doesn't visit. So yeah maybe I'm worried about the difference in treatment. She never felt comfortable around his family and would always be by my side whenever we all got together. She really truly couldn't care less about them and I know she'd have a miserable time, but I'm not mean enough to tell them that in those words.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:40 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I also feel like their lack of being prepared speaks volumes about how much they truly care about the visits. They are more than capable of supplying clothes for them. Shit I'm surprised they're not asking me to provide food for them too at this rate
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:42 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • Well, initially I was going to say that I thought maybe you were being a little unreasonable - that it would make sense after she was (step)grandma for however long you were married, it would make sense she'd want to see the oldest as well, even if there's no real connection. But then you explained that she didn't do much with the kids while you were married, and now I can understand why you'd be so wary.

    I found the most effective way to get my ex-mil to back off was to flat out tell her: If you care so much, why did we never see you? And as far as the supervised visits (which is all my ex was allowed, too), I covered that, too: You raised him. If I won't let HIM have them alone, what on earth makes you think that YOU could have them alone?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:50 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • That makes sense, I wouldn't ever want her to go if she was uncomfortable either. Obviously your ex MIL can't take a hint? Maybe you should just tell her that Lily won't ever be going over there, but that you appreciate the offer? (cuz that really is nice of her, it sucks when your kids are rejected) and as far as food, that made me lmao! haha I do feel your frustration.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:12 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I always packed clothing and hygiene products for my daughter. She also took any toys she wanted. In the circumstances you describe I would not let the oldest go and I would just very clearly say that visitation only covers the biological daughters. Good luck.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 9:37 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I personally think you should allow her to spend some time with the ex MIL. That was her grandma while you were married to the ex and that was their grandchild. They lost a grandchild because of their idiotic son. Just a 2-4 hours with them really wouldnt hurt. You can sit down and talk to her about it and see if she wants too. Dont punish grandma or your DD because your ex is a major dick.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:54 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I read the rest but still think you should give grandma a chance but thats just me. If she blows it once then no more.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:55 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I somewhat agree with LostSoul, maybe grandma didn't spend a lot of time with them while you were married to her son but is realizing now how much she missed out on being there for her grandkids, all 3 of them, and is trying to make up for it. And even if you don't have the best relationship with your ex or his mother maybe you can have a sit down with them and say that they need to start providing clothes for the girls to have over there and being more prepared and on a schedule when it comes to the weekend stay-overs. Tell them you want your girls to enjoy their time over there and you would know they were if everything were prepared ahead of time :-/
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 10:46 AM on Dec. 1, 2012

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