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2 Bumps

Mom moved in with me to help with kids - HELP!

My Mother moved in with me to help me with my kids before and after school. When the subject came up I told her that I thought that it was a bad idea and that I thought it would ruin our relationship which was already shaky. She cried and cried and tried to convince me that it was a good idea. I stuck to my guns and said no. I had already made arrangement for when my children started kindergarten to have a cousin move in and help. A few weeks later that cousin backed out and moved to Hawaii.

A few days later my Mother called me and explained that she had made all the arrangements and would be moving in July 15. Instead of explaining that I really did not want her moving in with me I acquiesced and allowed it to happen. I thought that it was going to save me a lot of money and that my children would be with someone that loves and adores them when I was not home; which they are!

She does take great care of my children and she spends quite a bit of time helping them with their homework daily. Which I do truly appreciate. However, she tends to take over. She sets rules for the kids while she is taking care of them during the week and expects me to accept those rules when I am home even if I disagree with them. When I am dealing with an issue with my children she will interupt me and try to take over. When I try to talk to her about all of this she goes on to say "Is is not a good rule, am I hurting the children?" She also cries and uses emotional blackmail.

Let me back track a little; in the last couple of months she has lost a sister to illness and her other sister and her have stopped talking. She cries much of the time over those two things. And it makes my house feel like the saddest place on earth. I have provided a bedroom to her but she chooses to sleep on the couch; which drives me crazy. When I told her that I did not want her sleeping on my couch she told me she could not walk the stairs. But, she can when she want to. She will go upstairs to her room on weekend days and nap to get away from the 5 year old noise in our house. She is ruining my couch and making it impossible to bring people into my house if she is sleeping. She will then use all of this to get her way....like redecorating my house with her stuff that is not my style at all.l I have given in on some of it...but it does not sit well with me.

Now back to the original problem. I do want to try to make this work but for a short period of time not until the day she dies..... When the subject has come in the past it appears as if she wants to be here forever.

So, here are my questions:

1. How do I get accross that when I am home I am the Mother to my children and my rules are their rules at that moment? (BTW - I have said this directly to her and her answer is I will not say anything. Again Emotional Blackmail)

2. What can I do to make it a home that is happy, safe and comfortable for all?

3. How do I get her to sleep in her room?

4. What is the right way for me to incorporate her parenting style with mine or is it ok for me to say....NO... our styles are completely different and these are my kids so my rules?

5. Should I just make other day care arrangements for my kids?

HELP......... I do not want to lose my Mom. But, I do not want her taking over my life!

Answer Question
 
triplets2007

Asked by triplets2007 at 12:13 PM on Dec. 1, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (2)
  • Discuss rules and parenting styles Before they are implemented so it won't confuse the kids. I'm an older mom and climbing stairs would be a problem for me as well on some days. I tend to sleep on the couch too out of convenience. Is there a room on the first floor that could be converted? Personally, I love my grandkids and enjoy helping but I wouldn't want to be there with them full time. That's way too much energy for me and all the noise gets on my nerves. I'd call the sister (your aunt) and see if things couldn't get patched up there. Mom needs someone after the death in the family. She's clinging to you and your family to fill that void. Yes, in the long run I'd find other day care but for now see if mom will let sis back in her life, That might help give you the opportunity to find other day care and get your house back.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:44 PM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I think if someone is helping you take care of your children practically full-time, they have a right to set rules to make it easier on themselves. Is that really the only issue? She's setting rules that drown out yours? Maybe you two can have a discussion about it and just let your mom know that when you are home, you are back in charge of your kids. Send her out to get a pedicure or something so that way she's not always in your face. If it becomes too much of a hassel than yeah, put your children in day care or hire a babysitter. I believe your mom is being generous enough to help you, but I can also see how it's taking away your freedom to be a parent. BTW Where's dad in all of this?
    uwmilf

    Answer by uwmilf at 12:47 PM on Dec. 1, 2012

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