Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Don't know what to do

I need some help ladies maybe some encouragement. I have been with SO for 8 years now and we have a 5 yo. We've had a really tough year (car broke down, 20% pay cut, home broken into a couple of times) and it's hit DH really hard. He's been depressed for the last 6 months. I told him to go to the dr, he has. When his medication wasn't working for him I suggested he should call his dr and talk about it, he said to wait for the following month when he had his scheduled appt. The dr upped his medication and it's been a couple of weeks and I'm not seeing much of an improvement. It's effected his relation with our son and with me. Every week they increase his hours at work, he's now working 60-65 hours a week. (he's on salary btw) He won't say no to them and they are part of the problem because of the stress they put on him.
Our son cries bc he only sees his dad for a few min in the morning and usually he's grouchy. He's been distant with me, he doesn't call or text during the day anymore. He doesn't seem too interested in anything. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried. I've asked him to take time off of work but he keeps blowing me off about it. Not even to see my brother graduate from bootcamp (he joined the Marines). I've told my DH how this effects our DS and our relationship, he just gives an empty apology. I feel so alone. He doesn't hold my hand, stand close to me, or give me any type of affection anymore. I know it's all part of the depression, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm giving him my everything and I';m not getting that from him. I don't know how to help him. What do I do. He doesn't want to talk to a counselor. He's never really been the type of guy who talks about his feelings. Any suggestions as to where to go from here??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Dec. 1, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You need to sit down with him and show him how serious it is. He is neglecting his family right now. I would tell him that he either seeks the help he needs and starts putting family first, or his family is gone. That's just me though.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 11:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I just can't leave him, especially when I know this isn't him. He's sick and I just want to help him get better. Thank you I will do the first part, though.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:12 PM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • Go to the doc with him and discuss with the doc in front of him how you and the kid feel.
    It will allow a third party to help you ALL learn how to deal with his depression.
    and hubs may need a different med.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:22 PM on Dec. 1, 2012

  • I feel, and maybe you're already doing this, but take it upon yourself to meet him more than halfway...extend yourself a little further to show him just how loved he is and how appreciative you are for him and how hard he works for you and your son.
    Rather than reminding him how he's hurting his son, give encouragment and praise, how you recognize that he's working crazy hours for less pay and that he's doing an awesome job.
    No man wants to feel insufficient.
    Reassure him that you and your son are doing just fine, that you'll all get through this hard time as a family and that you've got his back and that he's got a shoulder he can lean on.
    Ludvik_Smith

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 12:05 AM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • Go with him to his next doctor's appointment. Counseling will likely be prescribed. Tell him he needs to go.. not because he's going to lose you but because you are afraid you are going to lose him.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:26 AM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • Do you work also? If you don't, maybe he feels the weight of the world on only him. Prayer does amazing things. Ask in the name of Jesus Christ. If you don't know how to pray, try a bible church. 'Science can take you only so far, then there's God.'
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • Lets switch this around a bit. You sure he is not having an affair? Those signs could be that too. You sure he is take pills or just telling you he is.


    Distant, not affectionate, works a lot. Could be affair too.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • Why do some women see "affair" in every gd thing?

    Oh sorry. The poster above me struck a nerve. In answer to your question, I know how he feels. I have suffered with depression for years, so I know some of what he is going through. I suggest trying to encourage him. I know it will feel like he is a kid again, but it will help him see that you aren't just focusing on what he's NOT doing. The more you tell him what he isn't doing, the more he is going to feel like a failure. I know that's how my depression works. Also, you may want to look into having the medication itself changed. It may not be the dosage, but the actual pill itself that is the problem.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:29 AM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • @louise yes I am sure it's not an affair. Thanks for the suggestion though LOL.

    @ludvik I have been meeting more than half way. This is kind of why I feel so stuck, like I'm at the end of my rope, I just don't know what else to do. I do remind him how good of a man he is and he's not a failure, bc I know that's how he's feeling right now. But I also tell him how it's effecting us bc I don't want to lie to him either.

    I have gone through depression a year ago after I miscarried. But I guess I don't understand it bc I seen how I was behaving, how I was hurting my family and I went and got help. I did whatever I needed to to get myself better.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:42 PM on Dec. 2, 2012

  • I agree with the other posts. Make sure he gets counseling. Good luck.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 7:42 AM on Dec. 4, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.