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How can i get my husband to realize how much i love him & how sry i am for hurting him.

I had an affair two years ago, my husband was going to school, working alot of hours and spending the rest of his time with his MOTHER. we have been together 8 years this march and married 5 years this decmeber. HELP ME PLEASE.

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Asked by shedevil78 at 8:51 PM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (23)
  • First, you should stop trying to justify your affair, which is what you just did. You listed all the reasons why YOU THINK the affair was his fault. He'll never get beyond it until you stop trying to justify it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • i agree with the above..admit your fault in it.. don't justify it. . that does not go well for healing. . .admit you messed up. . .don't blame him for YOUR actions. . .beyond that. . .keep talking to him, give him patience, prove to him your sorry.
    it takes time. . .a lot.. .i was the one cheated on . . .it kills trust. . .& takes time. . but if you really mean it, & work on it & he is willing & wants to work out. . it can work out.
    maybe some couples counseling.

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 8:56 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I agree, You tried to make it sound like you did it because HE.......That already started out wrong..
    You had an affair because YOU......(I will leave the rest out.)
    I don't care WHAT HE did. He had no part in your choice to have an affair. Sorry dear, but if he is having a hard time understanding that you love him it's because you very much showed him that by your actions. I'd have a hard time too..All you can do is be there for him and try to make up for it..This may take years. There might always be a gap in your relationship..Who knows..All I know is if he is feeling betrayed and angry at you, dare not argue with him..Let him be and try to comfort him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I disagree
    You had reasons
    dont blame this all on you at all! You did what felt rigt to you at the moment
    Just try counseling
    but dont blame youself

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 8:59 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • there is no reason to cheat.
    im so sick of people justifying it

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 9:03 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Should of thought about all that before you CHEATED on your man. ReadyToRage? So you think it is ok? She had her reasons, uh hello, there is couseling yeah...but you think she did the right thing? You are no better than she is.

    Answer by JanuaryRayne at 9:09 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • she OBVOUSLY had reasons
    and she OBVOUSLY feels bad about it
    Doesnt sound like shes justifying anything to me. Sounds like she was unhhappy

    You have reasons to be sorry but DONT blame yourself. I am not saying blame him but it was equal. He could have done more for you and you couldhave kept your pants on BUT thats not how it worked out. Dontstress over what you cant change. You had your reasons and you did it.
    Good luck hun!

    maybe you just should not tell him?

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 9:23 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Iv seen so many women on here justify why men cheat!!! Oh men have alot of reasons for cheating.... low self esteem... mid life crises... his wife wont put out!! But she listed the reasons and she is just an all out Whore!! Yep she F'ed up she knows it and doesnt need your self rightous bashing opionions!!

    Anyway to answer your question me and my SO had a long distance relationship for a long time and I did some pretty mean things to him (I wont explain id probably be stoned to death by the mom squad here) Anyway iv tried and tired to say i was sorry and I loved him and yadda yadda yadda anyway he just kept telling me it wasnt enough sooooo iv found that instead of saying your sorry and you love him more than anything SHOW HIM your sorry and how much you love him and only you know how to show him that!! I hope this helps good luck!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 9:24 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I am SURE she didn't do what she felt was "RIGHT"
    No one is going to feel it's right to cheat, even when they are doing it.
    She did what she felt would satisfy her. Satisfy her selfishness, instead of going to her husband and trying to work out what ever is wrong..But honestly..Saying you cheated because 1.Your husband was getting an education. 2. Your husband was working a lot of hours and 3. He was spending the extra time with his mother is plain wrong.
    He was going to school to get an education so he could be successful. He was working hard and long hours so he could provide for his family. He was spending time with his mother because maybe she won't be around too much longer, Maybe he wants to make sure he gets to enjoy his time with her before he regrets it later. Maybe the OP was causing problems, fighting with him, so his escape was to be with his mom and from what it sounds like there was obviously some fighting..

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • going on. She slept with someone else. She chose to. Instead of trying to make it work with her husband..Obviously, from the way it sounds you might have been pushing him away by the way you were acting, perhaps? And to the woman who is taking up for her...Would you be saying that if a woman on here said her man cheated on her? I doubt it..

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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