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5 Bumps

Can ya'll help me understand... adult content

What are the reasons men and women cheat?

I'm 37 years old and I guess I'm naive. I always thought it was because of lack of intimacy. I've had guy friends over the many years complain their wives/ girlfriends don't give blow jobs, don't hug, kiss or have sex with them. I guess in my ignorance I thought those things would be a major factor for cheating.

But it's not. I see that now. Not that you really want to hear this, but I thought we had a fantastic sex life. Twice a day was the norm for years now. How the hell does the man find time to fuck all these women when I'm giving it up so often.

I just don't know how I can ever move on without understanding why the hell they betrayed me like this. I would never do such a thing. Never.

Now I did have a moment of weakness a few days ago and almost sent her husband a text. I was thinking an eye for an eye, ya know. But then I remembered an eye for an eye will only make the world blind.

I'm going crazy analyzing this...why cheat...why?


Asked by texasgurl33 at 12:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2012 in Relationships

Level 34 (66,457 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • People cheat because they have flaws in their character and because all of life is about themselves and their own gratification. They do not understand that true love is about what you give rather than about what you can get. I have long believed that the very best filter to rid oneself of those who have such character deficits is the old fashioned rule of no sex outside of marriage. That has become more of a guage today than ever it has been before simply because so many men and women are willing to settle for the pleasures of sex outside of marriage and without the commitment to oneness and total monogamy. While it would still be possible to end up with an adulterer, it would be far less likely.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:45 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Because he's a moron. Don't try to overanalyze things. Some guys just think they can have their cake, and their neighbors, and the pie from the market down the road, and they can gorge themselves and not suffer the consequences of a stomach ache or food poisoning.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 12:20 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • ""Our biological and evolutionary makeup drive men to cheat. Spread their genetics further, etc"


    At a scientific level, monogamy isn't very natural. (Sorry for the divergence, but it's a really good point FFA made)"

    Yes, but somewhere along the way we also developed the ability to reason and control our impulses/urges. Or at least most of us did!

    Answer by missanc at 12:36 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • There a probably a thousand reasons why people cheat. Intimacy may be one, a lack of self control another, low self esteem yet another.

    Don't drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out Texas. Seriously. Because, if you do, you're placing the onus on yourself and not the person who deserves it; the cheater.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:19 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • You might not ever figure it out... There are a million reasons to cheat... some people get off on the secrecy, the betrayal, the intrigue, the thrill of almost being caught, the contol over another person, the knowing they have a secret.. some people just cant be faithful no matter how good they have it with one person. But the bottom line is, its not about you, it's totally about them!!! Your energy needs to be on healing yourself and focusing on how to move forward. YOu really have wasted enough time and energy on this jerk. I know it seems impossible, and I type this with tears in my eyes because I know your pain, but seriously Sweetie... move on.... Dont waste your energy my trying to figure this loser out. He's not worth the breath you breathe... So sorry..

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:24 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • "Yes, but somewhere along the way we also developed the ability to reason and control our impulses/urges. Or at least most of us did!"

    I totally agree.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:39 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • They cheat because they are thoughtless, selfish, uncaring, disrespectful, and slimy douche nuggets.

    If you had done something wrong you'd be the first to know- you'd look at your situation and realize you worked too much, or you cheated, or you were shut down emotionally, etc....

    It's HIS lack of morals and self control that propelled this, not yours.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:18 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • I think there are many reasons people cheat. I think sometimes it's the excitement - adrenaline rush people get by sneaking around. Sometimes it may be for the reasons you mentioned above. But all in all, you can put it all in the "lacking self-esteem/self-pride, trying to feel powerful" box and tie a pretty bow around it. If you respect yourself, you wouldn't go running around town with others when you have a spouse at home - period, end of story. You can respect your spouse and still cheat. It comes down to self respect. I don't care who you are, any self-respecting man or woman won't disrespect themselves by sleeping around on their spouse.

    Answer by daylily888 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Because they are idiots. They are grown men/women and there is no excuse, no reason that's going to make you feel better. Know that you are worth SO much more than that, and you will find a man who will love you and be faithful to you.

    Answer by missanc at 12:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • The thing is, Texas, your husband probably has a million reasons in his own fucked-up head why he can justify cheating on you, and with your best friend, no less. But not one of those reasons is even worth the breath it would take to speak it aloud because no decent human being would do what he has done to you. Write him off. Don't try to look for humanity where there is none; don't try to find logic where it doesn't exist. Just know you are worth so much more than he has given you, and some day he will figure out what he has lost. Even if he gets married to your best friend, she already knows she can't trust him. As to the sex life thing, most men would be more than thrilled with what you put out, so don't think even for one more nanosecond that you had anything to do with what your loser husband did to you. Some men are just dogs, and that's all there is to it.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:35 PM on Dec. 4, 2012