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11 Bumps

Girls..... I need to talk...

So... I'm not going anon. Some of you sorta know me, some don't. But, I'd like some advice/stories/encouragment/a good cry. ...

My grandmother died of lung cancer less than a week ago..... and, today, my husband tells me he wants a divorce.... It was pretty unexpected. I mean, we've had it hard for a few months, but I never expected the D word. WTH comes next if we really do decide it comes to that!? We've already established that I will have primary custody.

How? What steps do I take to protect the kids? To ease them through this as normally as possible? To be there for them?



Asked by Kword at 9:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2012 in Relationships

Level 27 (29,610 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • How disagreeable are you to each other? Will you be fighting it out or will you be able to sit and calmly discuss and figure out what to do? If you can sit and discuss, then I would just say that you need to put the children first in everything you decide. Get the house for you and the kids, unless you need something cheaper, in which case then you might want to think about selling and splitting the proceeds.

    Depending on their ages, you might want to line up a counselor for the kids to talk to - not that you, Mom, aren't good enough, but the kids might be upset with both of you and need to vent - and venting to you and Dad about each other will be too uncomfortable for them, as well as not fair to any of you.

    Try to give them as much warning of changes as possible, and while you shouldn't forgo discipline, do remember they will likely act out, and that's normal. Cut them a little break, when you can.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:54 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Hugs mama, I am so sorry. Talk to a divorce lawyer, even if you guys agree on everything. They know the ins and outs of the laws and the things you wouldn't even think about they do. Even if you don't end up using one there are a lot of family lawyers that will do a free consult and answer some of the questions you might have. As for the kids, it will be hard on them but they will adjust. Be consistent in both households, bedtimes, rules, all of that should be as close to the same as possible if you guys can work it that way. It makes transitions easier.

    Answer by kmath at 9:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Ass.... Has the idea of marriage counseling been brought up? If it does come to that I'd start by getting a lawyer and checking with your community to see what programs they have available to help. Usually places like the work source center (or whatever it's called where you are) will have some brochures in the front

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 9:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • I'm so sorry honey. No advice but hugs and positive thoughts.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 9:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Sorry Kword! Dang screen names!!

    Answer by tessiedawg at 10:00 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • How is he on his own with the kids? Beyond resolving whatever issues there might be between you, and the factor his mental state plays in that, there's also the issue of him having visitation when he's in that same funk. It would be better for him to look into it now than when it's a judge demanding it.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 10:28 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • Oh gosh, Kword, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice, but I hope you know that you are a strong enough woman to work on whatever the issues are or to weather the divorce, whichever happens. Hugs, baby doll!

    Answer by KA91 at 10:58 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • bump


    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:49 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • I would say first of all you and he need to have a very long talk, about the reasons etc. I am sorry about it coming to this point, but perhaps he will listen or be willing to go to some counseling?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2012

  • I am so sorry to hear that Kmath. I don't have any real answers other than about two weeks ago I had a similar talk with my DH and tomorrow I will attend my grandfather's funeral. So you are certainly not alone.

    As for the marriage, I will be attending family therapy with DH and my SD and hopefully we can get back on track. I do know that no matter what, we'll get to the bottom of some issues and hopefully all end up with some inner peace. I'm not advising you to do the same, I wouldn't presume to, but sometimes it helps to get a little perspective.

    Hang in there and PM me anytime. ((hugs))

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:59 PM on Dec. 4, 2012