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2 Bumps

Kids won't listen....HELP

I don't know what to do anymore.

I have a 2 and 4 year old. They don't listen to me, at all. I've tried taking toys away, throwing toys away, corner, time out, taking fun things away (no park no going somewhere etc.) I don't believe in spanking and I really don't think it would matter they don't seem to care about consequences.
I tell them to do something or not do something and I get NO or they do it anyway. They also are physically mean to each other and I've tried to stop them but they continue anyway.
They also get into weird stuff. They get past child proof locks. I've had to clean up several things like nail polish, baby powder, jelly, you name it I've cleaned it.
My 4 year old is potty trained but my 2 year old isn't. My 2 year old is peeing everywhere but won't use the potty and my 4 year old has now felt the need to pee on the floor too I've caught my 4 year old peeing off the top bunk bed.
Any ideas how to get them to listen to me?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Dec. 5, 2012 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • Time for Preschool for the 4 year old. This way it gives you time to spend alone with the 2 year old & he learns rules & requirements of a big boy. I think time away from each other for a few hours a day would be a good thing. Try spending alone time with each one separately. So in the evenings I'd leave the 2 year old home & take the 4 year old to the Library or shopping with me. Switch on & off. If they get the sense that they are helping you then they are more likely to listen to you. It seems like maybe they just have stopped paying attention to you trying to manage them. Feeling like a responsible little individual may help. I always ask my Son to help me with his baby sister. Bathe her, help me get the diapers, wipes, clean up so she won't slobber on his toys. He feels like he is accomplishing a task & becomes even more helpful & attentive to me. GL!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Try to separate them in different rooms when the act up.
    A 4yr old should not be doing that, peeing on the bed etc. a 2yr old is still young to be potty trained
    I have found that terrible 2's don't end there, then there is terrible 3's they are feeding off each other
    It is so hard to say what to do. Have you tried the picking up the phone pretending to call Santa? showing them the wooden spoon even though you won't use it? seriously though if they act up like that I'd say try to separate them in different rooms with no toys etc. here is a bump too.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 1:47 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • If you want them to respect you – you have to respect them -- address them in a manner you would prefer to be addressed by a supervisor.
    1. Get down to their level so they can make eye contact with you and so that you are not threatening.
    2. Stay calm and keep your voice and mannerisms controlled and neutral -- if you freak out -- they are not emotionally mature enough to deal with that -- be the adult. Be calm and assured.
    3. Don't embarrass them, don’t shame them or try to make them feel badly about themselves. Talk about the behavior you want to change, not the person. It helps me to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements…

    I'll give you an example...
    modgrrrl

    Answer by modgrrrl at 3:26 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • For instance: “When I find pee-pee in places it doesn’t belong I feel angry and grossed out – pee pee is dirty and can make us very sick when it goes anywhere but in the potty. Pee anywhere but the potty can make our house very yucky.”

    Then STATE WHAT YOU NEED TO HAPPEN!

    “I need you to make your pee-pee in the potty where it belongs.”
    Then make a good behavior chart for them. Each time they do the action you want put a sticker on the chart and congratulate them.
    The second time you have to address the same issue you have to add a CONSEQUENCE. "When you make your pee pee in the potty then you can read a book with me" or “If you make pee-pee outside the potty then I will take away your legos.”
    modgrrrl

    Answer by modgrrrl at 3:28 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Good luck with it -- that stuff works well with the 4 year old but with the 2 year old -- redirect, redirect, redirect.

    Good luck mama. Two of that age is a handful and a half. Just remember to breathe and that you love them and yourself. Be sure you're making a little time for yourself so you aren't too stressed out.

    *hug*
    modgrrrl

    Answer by modgrrrl at 3:32 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Take a library trip and get some books. Preschool time for the eldest and lots of love and patience from you. I am more successful with kids using distraction and reasoning than punishment and threats. Sorry girl. I hope it passes soon! Maybe they need more one on one mommy time with you so they cant feed off eachother and maybe they will learn better manners on their own.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:42 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • If they are not listening to you, "collect" them first before you begin speaking. This connection step is especially important if you have "negatives" to say, or if you want to engage their cooperation, or intercede or stop something. There is an established flow going...it helps if you join them or collect their attention first, before attempting to get them to join YOUR flow.
    "Connect before correct" is an important piece, because the "power to parent" emerges from the quality or strength of your relationship.
    Take a moment to get oriented to the child's validity. You don't have to agree with something or approve of it (or be willing to allow it!) to be able to see it as valid. There are lots of behaviors that are problematic & must be stopped or prevented, that still are happening for a valid reason. The more you recognize the underlying causes of a child's behavior, the more connected & positive your interactions will be.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • if you don't figure out something soon your gonna be in trouble later. You need to teach them your the parent what you say goes.praise for the good things go far. I do believe in spankings. I respect the ones who dont but It works. Have something on hand just for the fear factor. I had the "no" problem and asked my pediatrician how to handle it at their age and she told me hot sauce. Soaps have to many chemicals. I know it sounds mean but just a little on your finger and touch their toungue with it. It will be enough to make them think again. My son also had a biting problem worked for that too. My friend has a 3 yr old and he was having potty training issues and I stepped in and told him if he could go a week with no accidents I'd get him a surprise. Well he got his surprise and is using the potty all the time now. Sometimes it takes more than mom n dad to be proud. Mine r 9&7 I make them hold hands when they fight now. GL!
    Rantin1raven

    Answer by Rantin1raven at 10:31 AM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • Getting oriented to the child's validity in a given situation can be challenging, but it is worth the effort. The peeing off the top bunk thing is pretty mind-blowing, but once I get over the disbelief I can imagine that it is fun, or hilarious, to a little guy who can point his penis & do something outrageous. Granted, it causes a problem for you & you are right to deal with it, but if you can connect to him in the moment (recognize that it's fun or funny to him) you're less likely to engage his counter-resistance & opposition. HOW you deal with kids can make a difference. If, instead of struggling against the fact that it's happening ("this should not be happening, he should not be doing this, he is too old/knows better," etc.), you bring acceptance to the moment & focus on connecting with the child IN the moment, you're more likely to respond to behavior in ways that BUILD your relationship rather than eroding it. It pays!!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:20 PM on Dec. 10, 2012

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