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When your friends make stupid decisions

Long story short, my best friend of 12 years had some major issues with her heart this year and was in the hospital for 7 months on & off, finally resulting in open heart surgery + a pacemaker.

Her boyfriend ended up disappearing on her while she was laid up in the hospital. Not even the occasional phone call to make sure she was alive.

She's been home for about 3 months now and txt me the other night that she was with him. She claims she's "drawn" to him. Everytime I ask her why he left her I the hospital, she skirts around be issue or ignores it completely.

She's 26 years old, certainly old enough to stop playing these games and being played by the same jerk over and over again.

I don't want to see her get hurt again. I know this guys bad news. And I know she's a grown adult and there's nothing I can do but I refuse to support this this time.

What do you do? Stand by and watch her make the same mistake an a smile on your face?

Answer Question
 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 6:55 PM on Dec. 5, 2012 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think being a good friend is speaking your mind but ultimately she's an adult and can make her own decisions. You don't have to support them but you have to let her do what she wants and if he's bad news be there for her when she needs you.

    After the first time expressing how you feel I wouldn't bring it up anymore.
    skinnyslokita

    Answer by skinnyslokita at 7:01 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Ugh! Don't you wish people would just listen?! So frustrating! Yes, you get to sit back, watch the show & be there to pick up the pieces. Oh, and when it does happen (not "if", but "when"), you have to be a good friend and not say "I told you so" :p
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:06 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • It's just annoying because now she'll disappear under the radar again, drop her friends and family. She was doing so good without him, she was happy and out doing things and living her life. Plus she has a number of guys after her and chooses this prick. I didn't bring it up btw she brought it up to me. I spoke my mind but tried to be nice about it out of respect for her. It's just on my mind I guess.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 7:06 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • My best friend is a man and he's been doing stupid shit for years. His most recent was letting his cheating wife move back in. She's 42, 4 grandkids, has a 24 year old boyfriend and yet he lets her back.

    I'm just there for him. That's all I can do.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 7:10 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • I had a GF in a similar situation. I had never met the guy but had heard enough to know she was better off without him in her life. When she brought him up I did the non committal, "Uh huh" and "What do you think" and then changed the topic.

    I got tired of hearing myself say the same thing over and over, so I just let her ramble on.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 7:13 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Only give your opinion when it's solicited, and don't go overboard, because you don't need to be "the enemy" whenever she changes her mind about him. Then hold your breath and hope for the best, and be there when she needs you. You can't make other people's decisions for them, so...what else can you do?
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:24 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Unless you can hire a hit man, I think you need to back away from her, some people are needy, some think they only have 1 true love, she will learn her lesson, and if you really love her be there for her to help put together her broken heart.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 7:25 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

  • Sorry to say it, but it sounds like there may be more in this situation that is drawing your friend to this guy then him. Especially if she disappears while she's with him. Sounds to me like maybe he's got her into some stuff that she shouldn't be in.

    Not much you can do now besides stay back and watch it fall apart. The best you can hope for is she gets smart and leaves him before he hurts her to bad. Just be ready to be a shoulder to cry on when it all falls apart.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:21 AM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Just be there for her...
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 9:03 PM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • The only thing you can do is be there for her when she comes around and when she isnt around hope for the best for her.
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 5:56 AM on Dec. 9, 2012

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