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3 Bumps

Tips from the Redneck Book of Good Manners?

K, don't kill the messenger, I am re-posting cuz this one is funny!  

 Miscellaneous 

1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'

 

 
tasches

Asked by tasches at 12:22 PM on Dec. 6, 2012 in Just for Fun

Level 48 (298,186 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Shame...I have vacuumed my bed on more than one occasion. I HATE when I just change sheets and have a nice, fresh bed...and then the kids or my husband goes and eats in there! LOL Yes, that was my attempt at justifying my redneck-ness. LOL
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 4:33 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Omg! I just rolled off my bed laughing...literally. I know people this fits so well. Truthfully a few hit home for me...especially the baiting as hook on the first date.

    Thanks for a good laugh! I needed it!
    texasgurl33

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 12:28 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Hilarious, sounds like a few I know of.
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 12:59 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • *Giggle.*
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:04 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Lol
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 4:42 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • So a stuffed squirel is a no-no for a centerpiece? Dang, maybe that is why people keep refusing to come over to my house.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 5:59 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Haha. These are so funny.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:29 PM on Dec. 7, 2012

  • lol
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 3:39 PM on Dec. 7, 2012


  • WEDDINGS

    1.

    Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

    2.

    Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

    3.

    For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

    4.

    Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    5.

    It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

    tasches

    Comment by tasches (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • DRIVING ETIQUETTE

    1.

    Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

    2.

    When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

    3.

    Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

    4.

    When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

    5.

    Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

    6.

    Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

    tasches

    Comment by tasches (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Dec. 6, 2012