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4 year old behavior

My 4 year old has always been a handful but now that he is in school I am getting reports from his teachers that he does not listen. He is a good kid, very sweet, never violent or anything but he can be very difficult at times. Lately, he gets moments of just complete defiance and will not only blatantly ignore us he will purposely run and do things he knows he is not supposed to do and yes it is probably to get a reaction. But I don't know how to handle it or what to tell his teachers. He has an appointment in a few weeks to get evaluated but it seems like its escalating every day and I don't know what to do! At the same time, he has just as many moments where he does listen and behave and in fact we have a 40 minute car ride home each day and he sits still and quiet the entire time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to get control of my child. There are times he is so out of control it takes a lot of power not to backhand him ( I would never, but you know what I mean). Any advice would be appreciated

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Dec. 6, 2012 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (6)
  • Also, I cannot take him to a restaurant anymore without him crawling all over the seats, under the table, or acting out. I'm not one of those parents that sit there and ignore it while it goes on so people can stare at me all they want because I am trying, but it doesn't work.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:01 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • LOL, someone wrote about their 4 year old yesterday or this morning. They are a different species at that age, I swear. Hang in there, don't let him get the better of you. Be consistent with your discipline. If you currently don't have a structured discipline implemented, you might want to think about it, i.e., one with a consequence for his actions...

    Answer by m-avi at 7:08 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • I try to, but no punishment seems to phaze him enough to get him to realize that there are consequences. Nothing important enough to take away. I refuse to threaten Christmas and then actually return all his gifts. I mean I shouldn't really give him nothing for Christmas, should I???

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:29 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • I completely understand what you're going through with your son! I teach Pre-K and I see this all the time as well as having gone through it with my oldest son as well. I would suggest trying to use more positive reinforcements first. Everytime you catch him doing exactly what you want you need to verbally praise him. Dont get started on token rewarding (giving him something) b/c you will go broke! ALso make sure he knows what you want him to be doing/ acting. Have him tell you what he should be doing. You can also have him tell you what he needs to be doing when he is not behaving. This makes them focus on the positive instead of feeling so negative all the time.

    Answer by sherrodbull at 8:10 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • I would also suggest trying to find something that he really enjoys and use that to take away or reward him with. (we finally figured out that grounding my son from the neighbors was torture to him) We usually try to give him the opportunity to win back time. This has been working for us lately. You have to stay consistent too. This is so hard for me to do! Im awful! But it makes it so much better for the kids when they know what to expect if they are or are not doing as they should. I hope this helps some! Good Luck and hang in there!

    Answer by sherrodbull at 8:13 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

  • Thank you so much sherrodbull. That's awesome advice :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:49 PM on Dec. 6, 2012

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