DDs dance teacher

I know if it were me I would be concerned my curls has the wrong message, literally. He often takes things said and doesn't quite get what was meant. I would have the discussion with the dance teacher, informally, that I personally think make up is not for children under 13 with rare occasions being for stage performances. I would ask how she feels about that and request she not discuss make up with my daughter. I would not be very livid. Only to use this as a learning time for a discussion on my personal values about make up and setting the stage for when she can wear it in the future.

First I would find out what was said. Kids that age hear something that is not necessarily what was said.

Is there a recital or a program coming up? Many dance teachers like for the girls to have a little make-up on for when they are on stage (think it has something to do with the lights washing out their faces). She could have told the children about that and mentioned how pretty they are all going to look...

I would say very simply:: "(NAME) came home yesterday talking about needing to wear make-up and I was just wanting to clarify what was said because I'm not sure (NAME) understood."

I agree that you need to find out exactly what was said. I find it hard to believe that the teacher told her she wouldn't be pretty without make up - I think that your daughter misunderstood or something. I think it's more likely that the teacher was telling them they need make up for the performance and that they would look so pretty - not implying they aren't pretty without it, but pretty with it. We all know we wear make up because we think it makes us look better - we don't think we're ugly without it, but we like how we look with it. I think she probably meant it that way, and your daughter, not understanding make up yet, took it the wrong way. I would just approach the teacher and explain what your daughter said and then say "Could you please clarify for me what happened?" Get her side before you blow up at her. If it turns out she did say what your daughter claims, then you tell her off.

First of all take a step back and ask yourself if you really think the teacher said exactly that.
Also, it's a little hard to tell her she is pretty without it-when you yourself are putting it on

I know if she will be onstage-they probably will be using makeup for the performance...

I agree you need to speak to the teacher... but in dance they wear pretty heavy make up for performances... even at that age. It's part of the culture of dance. Get the full story... it might be that the teacher told here she needs it for a performance at some point and she was telling them how pretty there were going to dress up (make up being part of that package).

I agree with mompam. I would question your DD to find out as much of the context it was said in and then I would form my questioning around that. I would probably be super pissed at first (like you are) and then cool down before talking to anyone so that I can be a little more objective, which is hard when you are talking about your child. And what kind of 5 year old wears makeup? Why would those words even be uttered to the children in the first place?

Anyhow, in cases like these, context is everything and young children process things differently. Most 5 year olds I know break out with drama when their friends don't want to play what they want to play, and all of a sudden "everybody hates me". But that's just my experience.

You might not have the story right. I would ask the teacher what she said. Your daughter might have asked why she wears make up and the teacher might have said that she will need it too for a dancing school show. Everyone wears it (and a lot!) at a recital. Maybe that's what she was talking about.

wtf...idk what to tell you, i easily offend people when they say something to my kids, but in thise case who gives a shit? if some old hag told my kid she was ugly, i'd flip out