My husband & I are very best friends. Married 13 years. We never had sex before marriage & I thought he was being very respectful. On our wedding night I find out that he had severe ED. So our first call once we came home was for counseling. It helped for about a while, sex was occasionally better. Then back to the same issue. We went again our 2nd year of marriage. But after that I noticed besides being friends, he is not intimate with me, avoids any thing that might lead to sex. Kissing, holding & if we do go to the bedroom its a stressed out thing for him & me.
He will take care of me in other ways but it feels just like sex & that is it. No love or affection is in it. Before I knew it 13 years of this has gone on & I am empty, feel undesirable.
Both times of counseling it was me who called, if anything gets done at our home its because I have to tell him, like a child. I feel like I am raising a teen son. He has NO Motivation at all! & WILL NOT go to the Dr.
I do love him, he is my best friend. He works hard & is very kind but I'm lonely & cant believe he has never bothered to try & fix this. I have broke down & told him every year how I have felt & he would step it up for a week or two. But then go back to what I call room mate status. I have tried everything, sexy clothing, long hair which he loves, talked dirty what every.
We have a 6 yr old, I am on disability for a heart issue. But I take good care of myslef, I'm not beautiful but I'm attractive. I was a nurse for 16 years & I am a very kind affectionate patient person.
I love him as my best friend but I feel so empty & numb..I told him I was leaving & he finally runs to the Dr. gets more pills (viagra) after not filling them for about 3 years & thinks this is going to fix things. But I do not hold the erections accountable I hold him for not trying to satisfy my emotional or physical needs.
Now he is begging me not to go, but he has done nothing! But lie to me for years that he would stop hurting me, neglecting me of affection & attention. He lets our home fall apart. He will do laundry & dishes but a door can be falling off the hinges & he will just walk right by it. My mother in law lives in a home that is falling apart. Her ceiling is falling in, floors sloping, window leaking.. So he is taking after his father.
Now I look at other men, wondering if they would hold me, if they could love me even though I have a heart problem, I know my life here will probably be cut short. I want to feel loved. I'm not sure I can financially make it on my own & have a 6 yr old daughter who I do not want to hurt. She is my life.
I got sick from a tick bite & it is what damaged my heart.
I have started talking to an old boyfriend for a while now & he ask someone to marry him a 2 years ago. She lives 7 hours away from him & has 2 sons in school. She told him no, until later..She does not want to move & he says that she is the best thing ever. No one could hold a candle to her.
She wants to wait until her boys are out of school. Which will be 4 more years. He sees her about 4 times a year, So he too is lonely.
He tells me I'm still very beautiful he sees my photos on FB & we just talk. I have not seen his face in 14 years. He flirts a bit but he & I both know that I wont cheat on my husband. I enjoy the talks, he makes me feel again. I know we would never be together because he is obsessed with money & is very stubborn..& I truly think his long term girlfriend is just what he has been waiting for. She makes more money than he does & thats right up his alley.
But he is a bit older than me & is very good at talking almost feminine & most guys are not..That is one thing I always fond attractive in him. But I would rather talk to him now than my husband.
I hate this I feel like a horrible person because I am only satisfying an emotional need by talking with him. I have to hide it from my husband & with this comes guilt! So this is why I do not trust myself. What do I do??
I would not leave my husband for him, we didn't work out before. BUT I do remember the intimacy & sex he & I had and it was so good it could make any woman week in the knees just thinking about it. This is why I do not trust myself!
We have never mentioned it, never mentioned meeting and have talked for 10 months, I am much different than when he last seen me. I have a few extra pounds & am not comfortable with my body at all. So I would not even go there! It would do nothing but hurt everyone involved & I could not do that to my husband even though he has neglected me. I would not do that to his girl friend either. I am just not that kid of woman.
But I can't say the thoughts have not been there. The memories are like a good romance novel. I'm a hussy!!! I do feel a comfort with my husband, we know each other inside & out I have tried everything I know. But I have given so much & received nothing back for so long My cup is empty. HELP! I feel like screaming!
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