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Ex Wife at a funeral

My daughter lost her husband this last sunday. The memorial is going to be this saturday. The problem is her husbands exwife wants to attend. There is a lot of bad blood and my daughter is going to make a scene if the ex shows up. What do you think.

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Asked by CKasting at 1:19 AM on Dec. 8, 2012 in Relationships

Level 9 (304 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Well it is a hard situation, however the 1st wife does have a right to pay her respects, and both her and your daughter should be woman enough to RESPECT him.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 1:38 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • what would her husband have wanted? would he want his ex there? would he really want his funeral to be more about his ex & wife's "scene" then about his passing? this shouldn't be about your DD or her hubby's ex. it should be about mourning his passing & remembering his life...which included the ex.

    it really just depends on the ex's personality and if your DD can act like an adult.

    Answer by okmanders at 1:23 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • did they hve children together (ex and he) if so then sure she be able to go and be supportive of their children . I loathe my husbands ex but when he almost died I allowed her to be at the hospital with her daughter. It was hard to do but I did it for my step daughter, no one else.

    If there is a sign of trouble she can be removed, the funeral director would see to it I am sure
    I went with my daughter to her grandpas funeral, I was still very close to the ex inlaws but there was very bad mojo with my ex and his wife however we were all mature enough to set it aside because we respected my ex FIL

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 1:45 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • I have 3 kids with my ex and regardless of how little I respect/like him, you can bet I would be at his funeral to support my kids, new wife or not. How immature to not be able to look past that! She knew he had an ex wife when she married him, deal with it.
    Btw - as far as the hospital reference you made, your dd could have kept his ex wife out of his room but not out of the hospital. Just as the ex wife should not be in the family pew but should be at the funeral.

    Answer by missanc at 10:45 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • your daughter needs to grow up its a funeral
    sorry her husband died leaving her a widow so young. She needs to focus on her grief and go to the wedding

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 1:56 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • not if she has children who will be attending the funeral no matter what the mother needs to be there for her kids for emotional support. I understand your concern but this is bigger than just your daughter it involves her husbands children as well and as uchas she hates the ex, she needs to ignore her and go to the funeral .

    again if the ex acts out she can be removed, i would allow my SD mother to go if it were me because i love my husbands child and wanted her to be there and a mothers support is not something anyone else can give them. But you guys do what you will, I have said all I will. I am sorry for your daughters loss.

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 2:14 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • The ex should steer clear, and if she doesn't, a plan should be in place to quietly escort her away should she even think about misbehaving.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:37 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • I agree that the ex has a right to be there, just not in the family pew. She needs to be there to support her children and she needs to be there for closure. You should for sure remind your daughter that the woman was an ex and that he chose her. Remind her that when she looks back 5 yrs from now, she will regret it if she doesn't go, if she makes a scene, or if she doesn't allow the ex to be there.
    I have 3 children with my ex. When he passes away, I will attend his funeral no matter who he leaves behind as a widow. I was married to him for 12 yrs, raised 3 children with him, and love him. There will always be a part of me that loves him. I will be there to support my children and to say my final goodbye. I won't make a scene and won't take anything away from his widow. I will likely find a spot in the back to sit. But I will be there.

    I'm so sorry your daughter is going thru this.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 1:46 PM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • Why add to the pain of their grief by making a fool of themselves on such a somber occasion?! They need to be considerate of the kids, the other family members & friends & do what's right to honor his memory. Anything less is inexcusable.


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:12 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

  • It is so unbelievably hard being widowed that young. I lost my DH at 25. I worried for a bit that exs would come out of the woodwork, but in the end.... it really shouldn't matter. If I were you, I would just remind your DD that she was his wife - he chose her above the others. That gives her a reason to hold her head high and not stoop to their level. The funeral is all about saying goodbye, not rehashing old arguments. Ask her - how does she want to remember his funeral, fighting with another woman, or something more respectable?

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:34 AM on Dec. 8, 2012

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