Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Attn: military wives, how do I stop the crying??????

My Husband is active duty and is currently tdy in tx for 4 months before he comes homes for a month then leaves for another year. We have a 20 month old son and i am having problems. We are staying with family in tx so my son and I go see my husband every couple of weeks, so that we have more time with him before he leaves. But we just got back from our first visit and he wakes up screaming and it takes me about 45 mins to calm him down. Does anyone have any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by quiltnmama at 2:56 AM on Feb. 12, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • there is no way to make it just get through it some how...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • I agree with Anon. I went through the same thing with my daughters. They were too young to understand why daddy was gone. It's just something you'll get through. It will get better.

    Answer by Aviators_Wife at 3:01 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • ^^ well that's helpful.
    Ok a few things: since he's on TDY orders, you can always call him. Daddy dolls can help. Pictures, he can keep a picture with him and kiss it goodnight. He's too young to understand what's happening, but all you can do is try and explain to him that daddy is at work.

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My daughter spent a year away from my hubby when he was in school, but we were able to see him for about a week every two months. He's on subs in the Navy though, so we won't be apart for more than 4-5 months at a time. My heart goes out to you, but you'll help your son make it through the separation. If you're not already in a military or army (I'm not sure what branch he's in) group, I would suggest joining one. It can be really wonderful support.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 3:08 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • I'm sorry it wasn't helpful to your liking. But when my daughters were crying because they missed their daddy, showing them a picture of him made it worse. She asked about how to stop the crying (i'm not saying what you suggested wasn't helpful). There wasn't a whole lot you can do to stop it. All you could do was just hold them and comfort them.

    Answer by Aviators_Wife at 4:02 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Get him a Daddy Doll. It can help with separation by giving your little one something physical to represent the bond with his father. My husband is in the Navy and many of the children from his command have these.

    It's not easy being a military family. But you will be ok, and you are very lucky to be staying with family and being able to go visit your husband.


    Answer by Cassieniccole at 5:11 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • for me what worked was lots of pictures and we picked a day (especially once he got overseas) where he would call, but that would be the only day that week he would call so they had something to look forward to. otherwise its just hold them when they cry, i have had many cuddle sessions when my girls would cry because they wanted daddy home.

    Answer by tiffanyv123 at 5:32 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • My DH isn't in the military, But he does work out of town for long periods of time....months sometimes....My DD is now 16 months and wakes up crying for him....I just get her up and hold her and sometimes I know other moms may not agree but I let her sleep with me. It sometime calms her down. He left last week and the next night after he left she woke up at 10:45pm and cried untill 2:00am.....all I could do was hold her and tell her it will be okay...But I wont let anyone say daddy while he is gone. She gets really upset to hear daddy and not see him. I also let her talk to him on the phone. and it does make it harder sometimes because it just makes her want him.....Good luck sweetie....

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Unfortuanately there is no magic cure...but one thing you can do to help ease the breakdowns is get a few copies of pictures of Daddy and put them into a photo album and let your kid carry it around. Let him give daddy kisses, and hugs if he wants. Let him take the pictures out and do whatever he wants with them. Just go make new ones when those get a little used. Talk about daddy. Let him see you when you're sad. Let him know that it's okay to be sad and cry sometimes.

    When my husband was deployed the first two times I never let my kids see me cry, then I realized that it was telling them that it wasn't okay to be the third time he was deployed, I did occasionally let them see me sad, I was too stubborn to let myself cry the third time, but I did let them know how much *I* missed daddy, and how sad I was...I think it helped them in a small way.

    M&Ms: days gone in a bowl, eat one every day until he comes home.

    Answer by lora at 9:44 AM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Thank you all so much. My husband is in the Air Force so I am fortunate that he usually only leaves for 6 months or so at a time. I ahve been through 4 deployments since we got married 5 years ago and I am getting to be a pro at it, but I am lost on how to help my son cope. Thank you all for thoughtful suggetions and support. I will definatley try the daddy doll. I think that will be a big help to him. We got video chat set up today and so far this night has gone a lot better. My real concern is when he comes home for a month and my son gets used to him again and then he leaves for a year. Do any of you have any suggestions on how to make that easier? Again thank you for all your support. And thank you for your families sacrafice and service, I know as military families we never get thanked enough for what we do.

    Answer by quiltnmama at 9:45 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.