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2 Bumps

How do I fix this?

I lied, to my Husband. We had an agreement that if our son got any D's or F's on any assignments, he wouldn't be able to drive, or have his phone for however many D's or F's entered for the week.
The Homecoming dance was last night, and I read his grades to my Husband over the phone, (he was out of town). I left out the F because I knew what he was going to say.. That our son couldn't take his date out to dinner before the dance... I wanted him to be able to go, and I assumed that's what his Dad would say.
Big mistake on my part because my Husband read an email I sent to his Teacher about the F. Our son told me that he turned the assignment in, and I told him I would email the teacher to ask, and if he's lying, he's grounded from driving, and his phone the rest of this coming week.
I sent that email on Friday evening, and I knew I wouldn't hear back until Monday, so I let him go, and just didn't say anything to my Husband.. Ugh, after reading this I just realized what an idiot I was.....
Anyway, I apologized to my Husband, and told our son it won't happen again. I told our son we made Dad feel horrible, like we were hiding things from him, and that from now on we have to be upfront no matter what the circumstances, or consequences are.
My Husband isn't our sons biological father, he adopted him when we married 5 yrs ago, when our son was 11 yrs old. He's been a wonderful Father to our son, and he's his Dad in every way that matters. He told me today this is the first time he's felt like he's on the outside.
I told him I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to say.
Thanks for reading.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Dec. 9, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think you did the right hing in letting your son go. All grades are sent to me via computer once a week all year. A couple of times my daughter had a 0 grade and it turned out that the teacher misplaced. When I emailed the teacher she corrected it. In terms of your husband and the lie well you have apologized you can explain why. Then just move on.

    Answer by booklover545 at 6:45 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • He told me today this is the first time he's felt like he's on the outside.

    Even bio dads living in the home can have that feeling if mom decides to handle something without dad's input. It happened. You apologized. It isn't a pattern of behavior. Ball is in Dad's court. Y'all can either let it go or he can worry over it like a dog with a bone.

    Answer by feralxat at 2:46 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • You've apologized, now you move on and make sure it never happens again. I can understand his feelings, but at the same time, as a single mom, I feel that sometimes you can just make a decision without his input. Particularly in a case like this, because if Dad had made the decision you thought he would, it would have had an effect on someone else (son's dance date) - and that's not fair to that other person who made plans that were not based on whether or not son got good grades.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:37 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • You thought it was right, I understand. I wouldn't say anything else

    Answer by funlovinlady at 2:14 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • So your DH expects you to get his input before any punishment? That is hard to do sometimes. I was a single parent for a while. I got use to doing it alone.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:27 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • I would just explain that you are sorry, but felt he wouldn't let your son go and you didn't want to take that away. That next time you can decide together and that you do feel bad for not doing it this time.
    Other than that- there isn't much you can do.

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:29 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • dont say anything...

    Answer by smiley745 at 3:45 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • We all do what we can to make the lives of our kids "memorable"...what they fail to realize is all that we do to make it a great life, they in some way do little to repay us - ie grades! I probably would have done exactly the same thing! BUT, after... I feel so absolutely guilty because my husband not only would be upset with me for not telling him, but also for breaking our trust bond! But what our kids do not realize is we are teaching them that it is okay to mess up, that we will always make it better! And for this, I have to draw my line at home now and make changes because my teen treats me like a "friend" rather than a mom a lot of the time because he thinks I would NEVER go against him! And when I do, he's shocked and I feel bad, but it teaches me that I AM THE MOM!! That HE is the one who has to go to college and make HIS life....NOT US!

    Answer by madmueller at 6:11 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • Thanks Ladies... Everything's settled down. Had a talk with my Husband, and our son, and we're all on the same page now.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:57 PM on Dec. 9, 2012