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Reason to suspect my adult son was molested, what do I do?

Can I confront him about this? He's a very private person, even to family. His story could help get the person convicted.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Dec. 9, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (7)
  • It depends on why you suspect this. If your suspicions are only based on weak information talk to your son in general about what is going on in his life. If your suspicions are concrete talk to him and definitely go to the police. Ask get professional help for your son.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:33 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • Wow, that's a tough one. Maybe you could bring the subject up by generally talking about the case, and then wait and see if your son volunteers anything personal, before you dive right in and ask him to testify. While testifying to some brings healing, for others it is incredibly tough because it forces the victims to relive things they'd rather forget.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:39 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • I'm not going to get into many details here to protect privacy, but my son is 30. Pieced together something his younger brother (27) said, added it together with some things his wife and best friends have shared.

    The incident happened when he was in Elementary school.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:45 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • I'm honestly not sure, especially since you think criminal charges could be pressed. I would speak with an attorney, just to make sure that there is no statute of limitations in play. If there is, and you push your son to come forward, I would think that could be devastating to him.

    As for the emotional side of it, he is 30 and may not welcome interference. Maybe just let him know you're supportive of him and there for him should he need you
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 10:50 PM on Dec. 9, 2012

  • Confront suggest aggressive and I would say kkno. It depends on his age..... I would tell hm that you have some memories and some concerns that you would like to talk over with him, if he is willing. If yes start slowly and when he is uncomfortable let him stop the conversation. He is an adult and needs to feel support but norpushing and there is a fine line. If you are not up to the task ask if he would be comfortable talking to a therapist.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:30 AM on Dec. 10, 2012

  • No. If you absolutely feel that you must find out from him what happened, then you can ask in a very gentle way. Be supportive and let him know that you're there for him if he ever needs anything. Do not "confront" him for the sole purpose of getting his help pressing charges.

    I'm in my late-ish 20s, and if my mom found out about what happened to me and came to me pushing me to pursue putting my molester behind bars, it would be nothing short of a horrific experience. I've been a legal adult for nearly a decade, and if *I*, the person who had the crime committed against them, have not decided in that period of time to do something, I wouldn't want someone else, even my mother, digging up everything that I've spent 9+ years trying to get over. I can make the decision for myself.

    Sorry for the run-on, but I can't imagine that confronting your son and pursuing legal action will do him any good.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 12:45 AM on Dec. 10, 2012

  • I would just have a general conversation with him. Let him know that there's nothing he can't tell you. Let him know you are there for him when he is ready to talk. Give him the control to come to you. If he does comes to you and says he was molested I would encourage him to make a police report.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:06 AM on Dec. 10, 2012

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