Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Drawing names for christmas

my husbands family decided that this year the grown ups are going to buy each other gifts, but instead of buying for everyone we are drawing names. they drew names at his grandparents and i was told that i have fil and "{by the time we realized it it was too late to change it" We do not have a ton of money to start with and have already spent a pretty good amount on my parents and the inlaws. what is the protocol in a situation like this? apparently we are also supposed to buy for all his cousins kids (8 not counting mine and we see them only a couple times a year) and while i am all about giving i would have liked to know this sooner that everything was changing from the past when i had more time to make things or save more money. but that is beside the point. my main question is about what to do about fil gift.


Asked by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:37 AM on Dec. 11, 2012 in Holidays

Level 24 (19,949 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Oh I hate it when someone dictates how I celebrate.
    I totally agree with you on this . So this is an additional celebration. Do you do this every yar or is this a one time deal. If it was a one time deal, I guess I would try to do my best. Maybe a coloring book and crayons for the kids. lol.
    I would most definitely have a chat with the aunt (our DH should since it is his side) and tell her that you would like to be consulted before you are committed to doing something and definitely earlier.

    I don't even commit my hubby to something without asking him first, lol.
    My other answer is make cookies for them all.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:29 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I did not draw the name. I was texted by dhs aunt Sunday night saying they had decided to do it this way and that is who I had. Of I had drawn I would have picked again. I'm not returning mils gift for two reasons. 1 is that we always buy for our parents because we love them and choose to and 2 we do Christmas with our parents and siblings separate and it would obvious that she its the only one we don't have a gift for. It would awkward to not have something for her. I did not even count my neices into the amountof kids lol, but I already bought for them.

    Comment by MooNFaeRie30 (original poster) at 12:14 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • give to, without my input.
    A group of my family did this one year reducing the number bought for. I start my shopping in January (yes, seriously) and already had the gifts, I sent them anyway and changed the following year.

    Your money, you get to handle it the way you want. Just be gentle in your objections.

    Oh yes my family was annoyed wth me that year. We got over it.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:20 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I am a little confused by this also. How did this come as a surpize when YOU drew out the name? I would have stated my concerns then and then maybe in January or whatever said something like," I would really appreciate a little notice if we are going to do something different for Christmas. I know everyone's budget is tight and I think it would help everyone to be able to plan"
    If you have gifts for the inlaws then you have to decide whether you still want to give both MIL and FIL a present (which I would not suggest) If you decide that you will just give the name you drew then return the other and use the cash to buy the cousins.
    I have never done cousins but we do do nephews and neices, when they are under 18. If we are spending the holiday with relatives we do not normally spend Christmas with, then we buy for all the kids and maybe a gift card for the couple.
    I am not really good on someone dictating who I will g

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:17 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Make him a couple of freezer dinners. He can pull them out when he doesn't feel like cooking. Who doesn't like a free meal with no work?

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:30 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I put a stop to all that nonsense about 10 years ago. I want to spend MY money on my own children (and now my grandchildren) NOT any one else.

    Answer by m-avi at 9:58 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I agree with gift cards.
    Also, if you have never bought for the cousins before, why are you expected to now?

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:23 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • What did you already buy the inlaws? I would say return the mil's gift and give fil what you already had purchased. I would then use the money from Mil's gift to buy $10 gift cards for the cousin's children. I would talk to someone more about the expectation of buying the cousin's kids gifts in the first place. I assume they are not buying expensive gifts for your children?

    Answer by jerseydiva at 8:59 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I would just tell them that you have already spent for Christmas and won't be able to do any more this year. They should have arranged this sooner, this is late to be deciding something like this! My siblings and I (5 of us) draw for each other but we all buy for my parents and each others kids (13 grandchildren total plus 1 on the way, 5 are mine). On my husbands side we buy something small for his parents and that's it

    Answer by missanc at 8:56 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • We also draw names, but have a specified amount set to spend on that gift - usually right around $15. We also buy MIL & FIL both gifts, even if we have their names - but we don't go overboard with that either. Who the heck said you have to buy for your cousins kids? Shoot, we don't even buy for all our own nieces and nephews! (none of the family does - we draw names!) Depending on their ages I'd buy them a coloring book & colors (dollar stores have awesome coloring books) or a nice notebook and pen and call it a day - and make sure whoever's "in charge" knows that a)it doesn't happen again and b)decisions like the name drawing need to be brought up sooner.

    Answer by idareyou at 8:37 AM on Dec. 11, 2012