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5 Bumps

How can I deal with husband new secret childs mother?

We been together 20years & 3kids girls. He resently told me he had a one nightstand years ago and that the woman he cheated with found him on facebook and told him he had a 6year old son. now she lives in florida and us nyc. She knew about me at the time so she had 6years to understand that was gonna play apart. Im a great mom and understand the boy has no fault but how do I tell a getto chick her son can speak to his dad but she deals with me. Personal feelings aside I deal with the money and children issues.

Answer Question

Asked by Exotic1nyc at 8:28 AM on Dec. 11, 2012 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Has a DNA test been done?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:29 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I'd want to know he really IS his son first

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:38 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I really don't know. I think I would be demanding marriage counseling to work on the trust issues I would surely have, and this is all before I would bother to help him deal with his mistress and love child. Why did she bother telling him? I am guessing since you mentioned money that she is looking for support. I would advise him to demand a DNA test if he already hasn't and then he needs to decide what kind of part he wants to play in this child's life. Then he needs to get an attorney and make it happen, and follow through.
    There is too much missing from the original post to know what to say.
    First, what do you want from your marriage? (stay, divorce, therapy)
    The other woman, does she want money?
    Has he had a DNA test?
    Does he want visitation?

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:19 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Yeah I would ask for a DNA test first.

    If he really is your husband's son then I'm not to sure. I'd probably make sure to call the mother to let her knwo that every decision goes throught both you and your husband and that she can't contact him directly. I would make sure your husband agrees to that too !

    Good luck whatever is your decision !

    Answer by ajc03 at 9:19 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Ghetto chick? You should be mad at your DH, not her.

    I would definetly request a DNA before moving further.

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:20 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Legally, she doesn't have to deal with you. Once DNA proves paternity she'll simply request support and visitation and that comes from your husband. You don't really get to dictate anything.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 9:39 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • If this was me
    One DNA test

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • The "excellent advisors" beat me to all the questions this morning.

    I agree^^^^

    Answer by m-avi at 9:57 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I agree with getting the DNA test done before anything else. But as for instructing her to deal with you - you legally can't. And if you try, there's a good chance she could get a court order that says that she can only deal with your husband. I would have your husband make it clear to her that all decisions are mutual between him and you, and he could tell her that he would be more comfortable with her dealing with you. But legally, there is no requirement that she must deal with you, and I cannot see any court ever saying that she has to.

    I get your hurt feelings, I do - my ex cheated on me, numerous times. And I understand the urge to say "I don't want you near my husband, you deal with ME!" But you just can't do that, no matter how much you might want to.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:59 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Before I allowed anything I would be getting DNA to prove he is the father. As for you dealing with her it is not your place. Your husband possibly made this mess he has to deal with it. She was not the only player in this and he needs to deal with her and no court is ever going to say different.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

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