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5 Bumps

How can I deal with husband new secret childs mother?

We been together 20years & 3kids girls. He resently told me he had a one nightstand years ago and that the woman he cheated with found him on facebook and told him he had a 6year old son. now she lives in florida and us nyc. She knew about me at the time so she had 6years to understand that was gonna play apart. Im a great mom and understand the boy has no fault but how do I tell a getto chick her son can speak to his dad but she deals with me. Personal feelings aside I deal with the money and children issues.

Answer Question
 
Exotic1nyc

Asked by Exotic1nyc at 8:28 AM on Dec. 11, 2012 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Has a DNA test been done?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:29 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I'd want to know he really IS his son first
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:38 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I really don't know. I think I would be demanding marriage counseling to work on the trust issues I would surely have, and this is all before I would bother to help him deal with his mistress and love child. Why did she bother telling him? I am guessing since you mentioned money that she is looking for support. I would advise him to demand a DNA test if he already hasn't and then he needs to decide what kind of part he wants to play in this child's life. Then he needs to get an attorney and make it happen, and follow through.
    There is too much missing from the original post to know what to say.
    First, what do you want from your marriage? (stay, divorce, therapy)
    The other woman, does she want money?
    Has he had a DNA test?
    Does he want visitation?
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:19 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Yeah I would ask for a DNA test first.

    If he really is your husband's son then I'm not to sure. I'd probably make sure to call the mother to let her knwo that every decision goes throught both you and your husband and that she can't contact him directly. I would make sure your husband agrees to that too !

    Good luck whatever is your decision !
    ajc03

    Answer by ajc03 at 9:19 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Ghetto chick? You should be mad at your DH, not her.

    I would definetly request a DNA before moving further.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:20 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Legally, she doesn't have to deal with you. Once DNA proves paternity she'll simply request support and visitation and that comes from your husband. You don't really get to dictate anything.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 9:39 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • If this was me
    One DNA test
    Two DIVORCE
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • The "excellent advisors" beat me to all the questions this morning.

    I agree^^^^
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:57 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I agree with getting the DNA test done before anything else. But as for instructing her to deal with you - you legally can't. And if you try, there's a good chance she could get a court order that says that she can only deal with your husband. I would have your husband make it clear to her that all decisions are mutual between him and you, and he could tell her that he would be more comfortable with her dealing with you. But legally, there is no requirement that she must deal with you, and I cannot see any court ever saying that she has to.

    I get your hurt feelings, I do - my ex cheated on me, numerous times. And I understand the urge to say "I don't want you near my husband, you deal with ME!" But you just can't do that, no matter how much you might want to.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:59 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Before I allowed anything I would be getting DNA to prove he is the father. As for you dealing with her it is not your place. Your husband possibly made this mess he has to deal with it. She was not the only player in this and he needs to deal with her and no court is ever going to say different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Dec. 11, 2012

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