Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My child's father and I have no set custody arrangements and I am considering moving out of the state. I do not intend to keep her from her father because he has been part of her life but knowing him, he won't make this easy on me. I know that I should file for custody but I'm wondering if her father could fight me on this? & if so, what do I need to do to ensure that my daughter will remain with me?

Answer Question

Asked by Concerned322 at 2:48 PM on Dec. 11, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Damn right you need an airtight custody order in place, especially if you are moving out of state. You could be charged with parental kidnapping if you don't have all your docks in a row. Also he could claim he have custody and not give the child back.... with no court order he may be allowed to keep the child until it's sorted out in court. Go get the a custody order in place and protect yourself...

    Answer by Crafty26 at 2:51 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Well, if I were her dad, and I were a part of her life, I'd fight you... Why would any parent who was involved in their child's life want them to move away? Unless out of state just means a few miles, and its no big deal. But most custody agreements will specify that the child cant be moved out of state/county/whatever without both parents consent... (My custody agreement was county because the county we lived in was the size of Rhode Island, and the courts wanted to keep the kids in close contact with the parents.... )

    Answer by Nimue930 at 2:52 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • If I were in his position, I would fight you.
    It will depend on your state's laws and the judge as to how successful you will be.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:54 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • It's just one state over and I'm willing to bring her to him on the weekends as well as picking her up. As I said I do not intend to keep her from her father, I'm not that type of mother. I just want to move on with my life and I can not do so when he tries to control everything that goes on.

    Comment by Concerned322 (original poster) at 2:56 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • Is this an ex husband, ie legal father? Or is this a ex boyfriend? If it is an ex bf and you have no formal custody or child support agreement then HE would have to prove he is the father by getting a court order to prove he is her father. If you Ra moving for work, to be near family who can help you those are valid reasons. Do you already have a job and house where you ate moving? Will your life be better?

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:59 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I would recommend getting an attorney's advice. If he finds out and files papers depending on what state, he could keep you in that area. Even if you are willing to bring and pick the child up from visits with him, he can still pretty much hold you to the area.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 3:03 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • It is an ex boyfriend, we have already established paternity. No I do not have anything lined up yet, i was just considering moving. But I will most definitely have a job and home before I take this big step. & yes, it would make life better. Kind of a fresh start to take us away from the BS of my hometown. I will be furthering my education as well.

    Comment by Concerned322 (original poster) at 3:04 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I would start with a lawyer, get child support, visitation and custody worked out from there.

    Answer by jerseydiva at 3:05 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I am assuming that this is a young child. What many parents tend to forget is these children grow up and become involved in activities/sports on the weekend which cuts into dad's time. If dad insists they come & visit they become the bad guy. If they allow it then they lose out on precious time with their child. If you live nearby then dad can go to games, contests, school plays, etc. An out of state move could limit that greatly.

    This is not all about you getting a fresh start. You have to think of what happens in 5 years, 10 years, etc with the child.

    Answer by baconbits at 3:11 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

  • I understand that completely and definitely have my child's best interests in mind. But I feel if he can drive hours away for his personal activities then he could drive an hour to see his child in her activities. I have not made up my mind I just wanted to know what to do in the case that I do decide to move.

    Comment by Concerned322 (original poster) at 3:20 PM on Dec. 11, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.