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2 Bumps

Divorced? Separated? How do you get over it?

How did you overcome your breakup, divorce, or separation? How long before you stopped crying? How long before you were able to get out of bed? How long before it stopped hurting? How long were you feeling 'normal' again and not broken? Does it ever get better? How long does it take?

I know some will say they met someone knew, but I guess I've tried a rebound before and I'm tired of rebounds. Is there any way to live happy, at peace, and not feel like crap. I don't think I'm strong enough to do this alone.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Dec. 14, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Time helps. But in all honesty I was done with him far before the separation. I celebrated when he left. I felt happier, not worse, because I'd mourned the loss of the marriage long before then. It's been over a year now and I have zero feelings toward him. I'm not looking elsewhere either, I'm enjoying being single and getting to know myself again.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • It sounds like you were not the one who wanted the divorce? Any change in life, death, divorce drastic life changes takes time to get over. It is a individual thing for people. It might take you years to get back to normal. But it might take you no time at all. 

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:08 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • What is the alternative? You just do it.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 3:12 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • You take it one day at a time. Go out with friends, family, etc. Enjoy yourself but take time to mourn the loss. For me it was fairly easy because we might as well have been divorced a long time before it actually happened. It's been 15 years and I've remarried a wonderful man. That doesn't stop me from still thinking about the past every once in a while. There were many good times and we did love each other in the beginning. It just stopped when he found other women. But there was that fairy tale at the beginning that I stll look back on occasionally.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:37 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • It took me a month to probably stop crying and then I got angry. I was angry for a good while, but as I dug deeper I realized I was more angry that he did it first and I was left for a second time by him. I guess I always had it in my mind that when my son was older that I would probably leave. And looking back now I know that was a mistake. I thought what I was doing was right, but no one should stay in a relationship when the other person cheats. I was scared and didn't know really what to do. But few months later when I was giving him his things, it was like a breath of fresh air. I felt good about him being gone,

    But you can do it!! It will take some time for the adjustments, but it will get better. Take it one day at a time and don't rush into another relationship. Look inside yourself and figure out what will make you happy. The greatest thing you will see coming back is your independance!! Good luck! :0)
    goofygalno1

    Answer by goofygalno1 at 5:19 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • For me, our marriage was over long before i left. I found a job i liked, met new friends, went back to school. Keep yourself busy so you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself or miss him. Look for the good things - you can fix whatever you want for supper, watch what you want on tv(after the kids go to bed), etc all without worrying about someone else. I loved being single because I could make all the decisions.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:19 PM on Dec. 14, 2012

  • You just take it one day at a time, take the next step. Do u have kids? Get out of bed, then see how u feel. Take the next step, get showered, keep taking the next step, one step at a time. You stop crying when you are ready, for now let it out! Perhaps find a divorce support group. There is a divorce and starting over group here on CM, you can air your feelings there, too.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 11:06 AM on Dec. 15, 2012

  • i was so happy
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 1:40 PM on Dec. 15, 2012

  • For me divorce was a need to bring peace to my family.
    My ex found this out afterwards but I had always known.
    So soon as we separated the healing process began for me, his came a few months later, once I got the divorce papers, I felt something about myself I had lost long ago.

    Its almost one year now and I am the person I thought was gone forever and I am finding out better things about myself too.

    As for someone else...if I am meant to be found again, I am in no rush right now to be found. I am enjoying myself right now.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2012

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