A little back story:
My ex husband lives with his Mother. He's 50 yrs old. He doesn't work a legitimate job, does work under the table for cash, they live in a bad neighborhood, he's behind on child support, has been for 5 yrs, doesn't get involved with our boys schooling, activities, etc etc etc..... Our boys are 9, and 10 yrs old.
Last night I dropped them off with him, and he asked if they can bring some stuff home from his house. I said yeah, if they want to. He said, good because they can't sleep in their beds because they are covered with toys, guitars, etc. I said, take them off, and he said there's no where to put them, they can't even walk in their room. The room is maybe 8x8.
Well then my next question was, where are they sleeping? He said, with him in his bed...... I told him they shouldn't be. I didn't start an argument, I just said, they can bring some stuff home.
We have a court date in Feb for modification of his visitation. Should I let my attorney know about the sleeping situation?
Our boys have to be talked into going there. They don't cry, and scream, but when the day comes, they ask if they can stay home. It's a 2 hour drive for them, the home isn't made for 2 little boys, and they are only there from Friday around 9pm, until sunday around 2pm. So it's not ever very long. He's told them he hates where we live, doesn't want them playing sports, and thinks we should move closer to him.. They are in the 3rd and 4th grade, same school since kindergarten, and I'm not pulling them out for his benefit. They have friends, a life, a nice home, and commitments here.
So, how would you handle this situation? I actually thought about telling him that until he can prove to me that they have a clean, and comfortable place to sleep, of their own, they won't be visiting him.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Asked by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2012 in Tweens (9-12)
Answer by wendythewriter at 3:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:15 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Tell your Lawyer about the house/sleeping arrangements. Ask the Lawyer if you can do that. Not let them go to his house tell the room is cleaned up.
Answer by louise2 at 12:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Answer by missanc at 1:05 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Answer by rachel216 at 1:00 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Are the ex and his mother hoarders? I would ask the kids about the conditions in the house. I would ask them to be honest and let them know that they won't be in trouble if they tell you the truth, that you are only concerned if there is a safety hazard. I would report it (regardless) to the attorney. If the kids tell you that the house is piled with junk and garbage, then I would also investigate who to report that to so that you can have documentation by another agency that states that there are unsafe conditions for your kids to be in. Give that info to your attorney, they will know what to do to keep the kids safe.
Answer by QuinnMae at 1:04 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
Answer by feralxat at 1:05 PM on Dec. 15, 2012
I agree with missanc. Do NOT violate the court order and until a judge says that they don't have to go overnight then I don't know that you have a choice but to send them. If they say that there is too much stuff and that they whole house is full or that there is hoarding, they must be willing to tell another source (police officer, CPS investigator) so that you are not the only person that has that info. I would first let the attorney know what is going on and then let your attorney advise you of what to do next. Your concern of course is that your children have a safe and comfortable place to be. I also agree that them sleeping in the same bed with your ex is not the best idea.
Answer by QuinnMae at 1:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2012