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So frustrated!

We moved in with my great grandmother about 2 months ago. Dh lost his job and we though it would be a win-win if we moved in because we were told she needed help. My grandparents told us she wasn't that bad, she just couldn't cook or clean and I needed to take her to her doctors appointments because she can't drive anymore and when she got to the point to where she needs a nursing home they would still let us stay there and only make us pay a couple hundred dollars for rent. Sounded great to me. Well, I have to do everything for her and I mean everything. I thought I could handle it, but I told my grandparents that they might need to start looking into nursing homes soon. She was diagnosed with dementia not to long ago so I really pushed the nursing home idea, because I'm not a nurse and don't really know if I would be able to provide the care she might need. They blew it off and said oh we'll look into that later, she doesn't need it yet. Today I was doing laundry and I came out of the laundry room and I couldn't find my dd (4) so I asked and my great grandmother had let her go outside in the front yard by herself. I alsofound a gun in my great grandmothers bedroom. Wtf?! She has dimentia and no one thought to tell me that there was a gun in her house?!?! I told my grandparents that she needs to go in a nursing home or we're moving out and I really don't think she should live by herself but I can't do this anymore. It's getting dangerous for dd and my great grandmother andthey think I'm just trying to kick her out so we can have the house to ourselves. Grr... I'm so frustrated and I don't know what to do.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense I was typing fast. Also, I wasn't sure what category to put this in lol.

Answer Question

Asked by Hollyhock. at 11:10 PM on Dec. 15, 2012 in Relationships

Level 23 (17,209 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Can you not look into them for them? Or do they have power of attorney over her and her estate?

    Answer by SaraD1989 at 11:26 PM on Dec. 15, 2012

  • My grandfather has power of attorney.

    Comment by Hollyhock. (original poster) at 11:28 PM on Dec. 15, 2012

  • My take is that they already knew thisbut you needed a place and they needed caregivers. They may have forgotten about the gun. I would just tell them you are moving because this situation is not the way it was explained to you. You ppreciate the generosity shown but it would be better for you to move and GGM to be cared for by those trained to do so.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:15 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • I was going to say what Dard just said, but she said it better than I would have.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:42 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Yeah. I honestly don't care what they do with the house anymore. I just want out because she needs more help than I can give her and this is way more than I agreed to. The situation is bad for everyone, GGM too. I'm just afraid that we'll leave and GP won't do anything and something will happen to GGM.

    Comment by Hollyhock. (original poster) at 1:54 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Move out as soon as you can.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:22 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • My grandmother had dementia when we moved her in with us when I was a teen. They really do require so much care, and it's hard for family to provide it. I don't blame you for feeling it's probably time for her to be in a home with people trained to care for her. But since they won't listen, and things are obviously dangerous for your child now (going outside alone, the gun), I think the best thing you can do is move out.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:54 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Call 211 for social services in your area. Explain the situation; they may have to do something to override your grandparents.

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:07 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • I'm sorry you've been taken advantage of in this way. You're right to demand that she get the right treatment - maybe if you stress the fact that you are actually doing GGM a huge disservice by NOT putting her into a nursing home where she could get approrpriate treatment by trained personnel? Make sure they understand that this is for her good and not to let you off the hook. You can't be expected to take care of an elderly person who needs constant attention AND take care of your own family too.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    Answer by winterglow at 4:23 AM on Dec. 17, 2012

  • You got played and now you're stuck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Dec. 17, 2012

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