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2 Bumps

Sexual preference/about my 15 yr old pregnant daughter,it's gotten real ugly around here HELP!!!!

My 15 year old daughter use to have a boyfriend,she got rid of this guy and now claims she's a lesbian. A lesbian she met in juvenile detention,a person who's been in trouble with drugs and god knows what else. My daughter is on house arrest and can't have contact with any friends period. They both keep crossing that fine line with me even after I told them I was NOT going to break any rules and put myself in jeopardy with the noone! This bitch keeps saying and I quote "I was on house arrest numerous times before and noone will get in trouble unless you rat her out". This damn girl talks about how she CARES so much for my daughter and that I'm going to lose her as soon as she turns 18 and that my daughter has said she will never talk to me again. She says I will only make my daughter resent me more.  She said that her grandma died and monday is the anniersary of it and she wants to be with my daughter, and that I should let her hang out and then she will follow the rules 100%. My body has been humming with anger and frustration,and this ache in chest won't go away. I have three boys who need me and I can't focus on anything but her. Something big and bad is going down to my once sweet and inncont daughter and it's coming with vengence. Not sure what lesson she needs or myself for that matter.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Dec. 16, 2012 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • Report the texts and the fact that she was in your home. I wouldn't care if my daughter got in more trouble for breaking house arrest.  I would inform both of them that I had no problem "ratting" them out if they broke the law.   I would tell my DD I loved her but I won't be emotionally black mailed by either her or her girlfriend.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:32 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Can you please clarify: Is the problem, for you, that your daughter has come out as a lesbian and has a girlfriend? Or is it that her girlfriend is someone of less than stellar character?

    Your answer does make a difference to mine, and I want to make sure that the answer I give is appropriate.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:25 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Your DD sounds like she has a lot of problems. Jail might be the safest place for her and her baby right now. Good luck, it sounds like a lot to deal with.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:35 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • would you do it even if it meant your daughter hating you for the rest of her life?

    Your daughter will NOT hate you for the rest of her life. She's 15 and pregnant. Ask my mom how bad we got into it when I was 15. My mom is now my best friend. You do what you need to do to keep your daughter and grandchild safe. If that means more time in juvenile detention or boot camp so be it. She'll hate you for it now, but the time will come when she'll see it was because you love her. Report them both and file for custody of your grandchild.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • "would you do it even if it meant your daughter hating you for the rest of her life?"

    YES. What your child feels for you is immaterial when it's a choice between:

    1. Her ruining her life and LIKING you.

    2. Her having a healthy responsible productive life and HATING you.

    Your job is not and never has been to be liked. Show me a parent whose teens hate her, and I'll show you the parent of adults who are healthy, law abiding and productive.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:42 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Do what you have to do to keep her safe. Get a restraining order if you must. 'Rat her out' if you must. You are the adult in the home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • She's pregnant? That's something you should have said in the original post - that makes a difference, too.

    You need to report what's going on and separate them. What is your daughter planning to do with the baby? If she's keeping it, I'd try to get her to focus on preparing for becoming a mother - getting the things she needs, etc. If she's giving the baby up, try to get her focus on choosing a family and doing whatever she needs to do in that process.

    If necessary, find out if her house arrest can be switched to someone else's house and send her to live with Grandma or Aunt Sally or someone who will keep a tight rein on her, so the girlfriend won't even know where to find her.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:37 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • would you do it even if it meant your daughter hating you for the rest of her life?

    It would break my heart, but yes. I wouldn't help her follow the path she is currently on. I would tell her how much I loved her but that I just couldn't take part in her destroying her life and hurting herself. I would let her know when she is ready to change I'd be there to help her in every way.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:59 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • RyansMom- I thought about driving myself off a cliff. It's taking every ounce of energy to live day to day dealing with this.

    ~~~
    Take care of yourself your daughter and granddaughter will need you. Your daughter is going to have to deal with the consequences of her own actions. You can't save her from herself. She will just have to accept that she is in over her head and needs professional help. You've done all you can do, it's all up to her.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:04 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • wendy she did put it in the title of the post??
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 11:04 AM on Dec. 16, 2012

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