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2 Bumps

Should we settle for being used?

My SD is grown with 3 kids. My DH & I have made every effort over the years to maintain a relationship with her & the kids. They live nearby, but it seems like the only time she knows us, or we get to see the grandkids is at Christmas & their birthdays. We are tired of being used, but if speak up about it, then we risk the few times we get to see them at all. Just curious how you would deal w/ something like this?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Dec. 16, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • My 3 adult stepkids were like this. Only came around at Christmas time, and if we were lucky we might would see them maybe one more time till the next christmas. But only 2 of the 3 stepkids came at christmas time. We used to send her gift back home with the others, but one year decided that if she could not even come to see us at christmas time she did not deserve the gift, so we quit sending it, we held onto it, and with the other 2, since they only came around to get their gifts at christmas time, we cut back on what we spent on them, becuase the way we see it, if they can only come around christmas time, we are not spending much on them. They quit coming even at christmas time, i guess they figured their cheap gifts were not worth the trip. I'm sorry but we are not going all out & spending a bunch of money on 3 adult stepkids & 9 stepgrandkids that we only see once a year around christmas time.

    Answer by mamabear484 at 5:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • I would be cordial and if she only wants to get together a couple times a year there isn't much you can do about it.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 1:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • You raised them to be independent and this is what they are doing, be the first to initiate contact instead of waiting around for her to bring them....remember when you life was just as hectic when they were growing up?

    Answer by older at 2:08 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Oh and another thing, how are they using you? by leaving you those kids you are dying to see anyway?

    Answer by older at 2:09 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Do you always wait to have them bring the kids to you? Have you asked to come by and see them? The road runs both ways. When I lived near my mother and still had contact with her, she always always always expected me to bring my kids over to her filthy nasty house with her animals everywhere. She never made the effort to drive 15 minutes to come see my kids. It was always on us.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:10 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Also, I think it's much easier for the people without kids to travel, instead of expecting the family and kids to pack up and travel.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:12 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • I can see where you are coming from. Unfortunately, if you want to maintain some type of relationship, you might have to settle. All you can do is offer. I would never stop offering or cut them out of your life. Some day, the kids may need you.

    Answer by m-avi at 2:19 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • im so sry your going threw this! but mayb you should contact a lawyer and see if your state has grandparent rights..i know my state IN does. but i wouldnt settle for being use either. do you guys offer to take ehr kids or go over to her house just to be there? maybe ask her what you can do to see the kids more? good luck i hope you get to see those babies

    Answer by rachel216 at 1:57 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Yes rachel216, we offer every time we can to invite them over to come see us more often or to watch the little ones. She says OK but then it goes back to not hearing from her for months at a time. Very frustrating.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:00 PM on Dec. 16, 2012

  • Me, I would inform her that you two would like more time with the grand kids. Maybe a weekend a month. Or just go over to her house and drop by to see what happens.

    If that all fails.  Just give up. 


    Answer by louise2 at 2:00 PM on Dec. 16, 2012