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My 5 year old nephew has signs of emotional breakdown as the Newtown shooter: should I be concern and proceed with help without his mother or not?

My 5 year old nephew and his lil brother have lived with me almost their whole lil lives. Their irresponsible parents drops them off to live with me for long periods of time, then takes them back into their unstable environment where they are surrounded by violence, drugs, neglect, and according to them abuse. Both parents have extensive criminal backgrounds. I have no way of proving this except to listen to the boys. My nephew have desired for years to live with me this rest of his life: but because I don’t have the overhead power to grant him his wishes, and because I live in a different part of our state and have no proof what really goes on when the boys are in the care of their parents, I feel my desire to grant him his wish is out of my hands. On top of all this, I have been sharing off and on about my 10 year old attending a school where he is bullied and abused by many of his teachers. For the last 2 school years I have been complaining and trying to get help from my local police authority to TEA, CPS, doctor, etc.: but I have not yet received the help I need to keep my children protected from adult bullies at school. I’m not in the process where we can move because of housing. With all that done and said, now my 5 year old nephew is enduring the same treatment that my children have dealt with. I understood the first week or 2 of school will be hard for him, because he just started kindergarten and he was always afraid of leaving and separating from me. So indeed his first 2 school weeks was horrible and emotional for me: but he soon overcame his fear of being separated from me all day long, and started loving school. But for the last 3 weeks he has changed: when I tell him it’s a school night on Sundays, he become very depressed, emotional and begs me to let him stay home he’s afraid of school because they are mean to him. He seems to be very terrified and afraid to discuss why he feels he’s afraid of school and how his teacher and principal are being mean to him. When the school took him and my 10 year old on a field trip without my permission, he lied and told me he didn’t go. But after writing a note to his teacher, she confirmed the truth by responding and saying we sent permission slips home for all parents to sign. Now my nephew is telling me he wants to be 5 forever and ever so he doesn’t have to go to school or live in the town where we live anymore. When I explained to him the only way he can stay 5 forever is by dying, he responded yes, I want to die: I don’t want to live no more so I can be happy and have fun because I don’t want to go to school. Tonight, he’s been honored at the PTA meeting for student of the month. He tells me he never wants to be student of the month again, but yet he’s very smart and seems to be advanced for his age. He also tells me he’s afraid of his mother, and definitely his father. He tells me often his happy face left and his sad face has to stay. When I mentioned this to my niece (his mother) her only concern was CPS will get involved. I don’t want you to take him to counseling: he’ll be alright. I also told her taking him out of my stable environment that has been his only and most safest security and safety nest, will destroy him emotionally and possibly mentally. But she will not listen to me: she told me she was getting him he’s a child and has not choice. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, and if he acts out then I’ll sign my rights over to you after. I explained to her if you are taking him; please at lease get him into counseling. She refuses to put him into counseling. So my next step is to go above her decision as his mother and get him help anyway. Should I do this and if I do will I be overstepping and interfering with her parental rights? If so, is this a good motive and reason? Please, I need help and advices, for time are running real short. I love my nephews and want them to have what’s best for them. Thank you.

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Asked by ladynell4god at 6:24 AM on Dec. 18, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 10 (477 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Better safe than sorry is what guides me in tough decisions. Down the road, no one can say you didn't show concern. Would you rather your sister be angry at you or possibly 30 kids being shot dead? Some schools have school psychologists (for the district) and you can try to ask the school to have a psychologist intervene or do an evaluation. Pass the concern onto the school and hope that they take it seriously.. You can also express concern to the local child and family services department. You can make anonymous tips usually via their website or by making a blocked call (*67 + phone number) though your voice might be recognizable. Anonymous typed mail to social services may also work. That child needs to be put in a healthier environment. You're not only saving his life but saving dozens of others by ensuring he has a stable environment. Don't live with regret. Listen to your intuition.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 6:40 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Thank you so much for your respose. I agree: I rather be safe than sorry. The only thing is the school is the main reason why all of a sutton he is depressed and suicidal. He loves school but hates the school he and my 10 year old is attending. Nothing I can do to change schools because I'm a target of retaliation even with the district because of my parental advocacy for my children's rights. I figure to get him in an outside couseling away from dealing with both his parents and the school to allow the outside couselor evaluate her/his concers without me giving them deep concerns so we can compare our concerns. He is brilliant and always comes home with blues and good grades.

    Comment by ladynell4god (original poster) at 6:55 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Yes he needs help. Call CPS. He does need outside counseling.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:42 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • I agree with the first two whom posted answers - get him the help he needs... If the mom cared, she'd see that her son needs help and would do it herself. Please seek help for the young guy...

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:16 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • when they drop them off and leave then call CPS and ask for legal guardianship at the least, out of your hands not at all
    get custody and keep them!

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 9:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • I know it sounds terrible, but it sounds to me like you need to get in contact with CPS. Tell them what your nephews have told you. Allow them to come into your home and talk to the boys. They will more then likely want to do that in private, so there is no way you could be "contaminating" the questioning. Tell them how often and for how long your niece is dropping them off. I warn you, it may end up that your niece goes to jail (her immediate concern about CPS leads me to believe this), so be prepared for her to be extremely anry with you. Also, tell CPS that you are VERY interested in having the children placed with you if they are removed from their mother.
    I would say you could contact the school about possible testing your nephew for advanced placement, but, since you said the school seems to "ignore" you, it may ot work. He may be feeling bad because the other kids pick on him because of his intelligence.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:06 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • There is a reason she doesn't want him to have counseling and that's because there will be something negative that comes out about her or his father. Protect the child by any means necessary. He needs and advocate and nobody else is willing to do it.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:27 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • You can not legally do it. Why not consult an attorney and find out if you have a case to have them removed and placed in your custody or adopted? Many times the consult to determine if you should proceed is low or even free.
    I agree you should, but you can't

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:27 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Sorry I was agreeing with call CPS and did not include it duh.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:32 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • You can do two things very easily: 1. call CPS and open an assessment so they investigate the mom and dad, and their home. All it really takes is a phone call with as much information as you can give them. 2. Go to court and file for third party guardianship based on all the info you give CPS, stating that they are unfit parents, and you want the children. If the mom and dad have criminal issues they are trying to hide, they might not even show up for court....

    Answer by Nimue930 at 5:02 PM on Dec. 18, 2012

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