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2 Bumps

Family situation-Please advice

My dad is relatively rich man, he lives in country R, we live in country U. He invited me and my daughter to visit him and bought our tickets. He was happy to see his granddaughter for the first day. Then, he started to nag me on how my daughter looks, on how much I spend money (I bought my daughter a big plush bear-$12), since he did not give her any presents. Then he promised my daughter to go and visit her cats and never did. He spends all his time at work and when he come home he spent his time with a heper who he treats as his own son. He eats with him, speaks with him, gives him the best food. I asked him to seat with us (my mom and my daughter) as a family, he said yes to me and instead spent all the time including dinner with this helper and the technician who came as well. I wanted to speak with him, I entered and he just yelled at me to leave. My mom tells that he doesn't listen to anyone. At lunch time when people from his work came he made my 8 years old daughter to make coffee for 5 people and serve, the helper received time off. Today is day three of our visit and all feel is I want to pack my things (already did) and leave. I am not allowed to eat at family table only in the kitchen with my mom. My daughter was so happy to see him, but now she says grandpa is never around, he does not really care and it really seem to be this way.. sigh... any word of advice?


P.S. the helper(muslim guy) openly mocks me amd my daughter, as well (less though, my mom).

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Dec. 18, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Email your dad when you get home. So he can read it without people around or added emotion. Tell him you love him and are really grateful for the trip. Briefly, and respectfully tell him why the helper made you uncomfortable, give one or two examples. Tell him you are hoping him and your mom can come and visit you because DD really liked spending time with him.

    You really can't change your dad, so I wouldn't push this too hard. It's really up to your mom to step up. If she does you can show some support for her.

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 11:00 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • maybe he isn't the "helper" but he's lover

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:09 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Take your DD and leave. I would not willingly bring my child into a situation where they are emotionally abused and then continue to allow it to happen. Then just don't go again. Be too busy and only visit on your turf. If he loves to see you and his grand daughter then he should be happy to see you where you live.

    BTW, my first thought was the same as LostSoul's. Sounds like more than just a 'helper'.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:16 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • And why does it matter that the guy is a muslim? Just curious why that was spelled out.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:18 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Concentrate on enjoying your mother's company for however long you decide to stay.
    Either hand wirte a letter and place it under his computer or send it to him by text or email.
    Expplain how you feel and how you love him and are worried for him.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:30 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • I mentioned that the helper is muslim because I feel my dad-non-muslim somehow learned this behavior toward women from that guy. I don't think they lovers, it's more like father son relations. My dad keep telling me that the helper is very good, very necessary and he is the best.

    I spoke with my dad, now twice, he was nice toward me, he gave me cell phone, told that he is not accostomed to us anymore and that I want too much of him, I told him we love him and he told that this is not true. Probably because instead of super respect (as the helper does) he gets nugging from me or my mom...i don't think anything will change... when the door was opened(my dad left), the helper was there, showing that he heared everything..

    The helper always listenning and always there. My mom told that she gave up, my dad or helper barely listen to her, that her flowers start to die in this house for no reason and that this place started cor

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:43 AM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • I'm sorry

    what century are you in?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Well, if I were to be in the situation and say anything it would be that we have little time to spend together (since you are there on vacation) and that you want to be able to actually spend time together. That your DD isn't mad and neither are you, just that you were hoping to spend more time together while you were there. If I were to not leave early, I would make a decision to not go back unless it was for your mother. It seems that Skype would be appropriate for the kind of visiting your father is wanting.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:08 PM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Yes, i think all my dad is ready to is Skype relations (as they exist most of the time), i wanted to talk to him but needed the bathroom, he left the room at the same moment, not ready to wait, when i tried to explain him, he change the topic several times telling me about different problems and finally told that the family will gather together at the same table when we leave...he gave me cell phone and told that i can call if i need to...then he told me that i am bored and starting tomorrow he booked us shows every night (he is at work every day)...that he wants us to buy what we need (on our own money) and have fun (aparently without him)...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Dec. 18, 2012

  • Anon, this may be the person who contributed a second chromosome to create you, but he is NOT a father. A father doesn't do this.

    I'd be flying home.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:48 PM on Dec. 18, 2012

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