Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Ugh. How do you deal with a husband like this...

Some of you may remember a post about a DH wanting their son to call the dentist to get a price on the work rather than call him himself. That was my good ol' DH. Well, he strikes again.

Because of that last dentist appointment we found out DS has a cavity so we're going back today. They called to confirm yesterday, and I knew they would but thought DH would confirm so I didn't think anything of it. I was busy yesterday so later on in the day I didn't even remember about it and never realized we hadn't confirmed and DH hadn't said anything. I opened my email at 8pm last night to find an email from my husband saying they had called and I need to call to confirm. Really? Of course by then it was too late..... grr. Thankfully they let me confirm this morning.

Anyway, I also forgot Dh didn't know DS (9) wears deodorant. (DS was embarrassed for him to know, so I just let it go, as long as he was wearing it what does it matter right?) I had already bought him some and was planning to start making him wear it this past summer, but before I could bring it up, DS said to me about how he was stinky, so that made it nice and easy for both of us.

Anyway, I realized that I didn't think DS had been wearing it lately and went in this morning to check. His reply was, "I wear it when I remember", which basically means no, he hasn't been wearing it. Well, DH's office is right there, and I thought he had already found out about the deodorant, so I said, hey, can you help me by reminding him since you're already up here? DH looks at me and says, "Deodorant? For a 9yo?" Ugh. He didn't wear it till he was 12 or 13 so he doesn't think DS needs it till then either. Then proceeded to go on (to DS!)about how it's not really necessary until DS is super stinky , blah blah blah. I told DH how things are different now and kids need stuff earlier but he thinks I'm nuts. Sheesh. You'd think he'd be happy we don't have to put up a fight about the kid wanting to not stink and be clean.

Anyway, to the main question, how would you deal with a husband like this? I swear he's completely clueless.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Dec. 19, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I would treat him like he was a child. I would sit down with him at eye level with the TV off & clearly explain what his responsibilities & the daily goings on are for that day. Then I would make notes written in big letters to remind him & either stick the note to his forehead or put it on his car keys since he doesn't have a backpack


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:47 AM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Really, it isn't so bad. Many fathers are like that. I don't ever recall a time my dad took me to the Dr. or Dentist. He was always busy working and it was mom's job! Same when my kids were little, my husband was always working. His job was the one that paid the most, so mine always came second. I don't remember a time of him taking them for me. It's not something I regret.... it's just he way times were. He loves his kids... I know that... but I bet he wouldn't even know the names of their Dr's.....

    Answer by m-avi at 12:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Just be patient with him. While it may be frustrating, it is not a big deal.

    Answer by zahrahsmom at 1:03 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Men. Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em. No, wait that's not how it goes...

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:09 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • I didn't want him to take him to the dentist. I just think he should have TOLD me to call the dentist to confirm rather than emailing me so I don't get it till it's too late.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:41 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • These are not the kinds of things that are going to make a difference 10 years from now or even 6 months from now. We all have our little odd quirks, and most of them are best overlooked. After having been married almost 48 years, I can tell you that I wish I had overlooked a whole lot more. So learn from an old lady, and learn to just let these things slide!

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:10 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • What if it gets me so stressed out I have a heart attack and die first? lol

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:20 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • why does it get you so stressed? Really, these are not major things

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:57 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Make sure that's what is written on his tombstone. "Forgot to confirm dentist appointment."
    Seriously, no one cares.
    Sounds like perhaps maybe you have control issues!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:58 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • If it were me, Id tell him since Im the one more involved with the actual care of the child, he needs to trust me that he needs deodorant. My opinion on child rearing has always been either you are fully engaged, and you get equal say in things, or you (for whatever reasons) do not participate in the life of the child as much so minor decisions are made by the actual caregiver. If you dont like it, step up and be more involved. YOu dont get to sit back and observe, and then bitch. As far as the dentist goes, be very specific that these things need to be confirmed during those working hours, so if you aren't willing to confirm when they call, either 1; let all calls you dont recognize go to VM so I can deal with them ASAP or 2. Make a log on a piece of paper I will see upon my return of every call so I can deal with it. No more lazy man, lame emails allowed.

    Answer by Nimue930 at 6:08 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.