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2 Bumps

What to do?

I love my husband but we cant communicate. When I have problems is like he always looks at them like they are nothing. Even though I love him I feel lonely and I wish he was my best friend so I can talk to but hes not and thats makes me very sad.

Once again I do love him but I dont feel his support and he takes it in a very offensive way and is like is worst when I speak my mind so I dont say anything at all then.

I need some guidance please.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Dec. 19, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I don't know your whole story, but that sounds like a typical marriage to me. Sorry....
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • communication counseling?
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 11:27 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Is he trying to fix your problems as opposed to listening to your problems?
    And then getting angry because his fixes aren't really what you were looking for?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:30 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Marriages need communication to go the long haul. I would encourage you to go to a counselor to help you to learn to communicate with each other. If he is unwilling then see if you can go aone. You may find better ways to express yourself to him and you will have someone to dscuss your problems with
    GL
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • OK thats nuts, I have the same issues.. although he won't go to couples therapy, so I am going individually.. I'm learning I cant change HIM, I can only change my reactions TO him.. I can't carry his negativity or fight with an unreasonable person, I am FINALLY learning to stand up for myself and not like his REactions affect my actions- if that makes sense..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:35 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Hi I have less than one year in this marriage so I'm not a pro detecting all the issues and common things that come through years of being with that person  meaning "more experience" which I'm lacking right now on how to handle things. I'm just realizing that he swears that he cares and pays attention but the truth he doesnt. My family is in another country and in reality right now I havent found yet a good friend that I can talk to so basically hes the only real close "friend" that I have right now. I dont know Im just venting thats all.


    Feralxat the truth is to answer to your question he does listen to me but hes not fixing anything if it is about helping me and at the end he turns my issue about himself....is so weird.


     

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • I like what maxsmom is saying/learning. But you have got to be able to speak your truth regardless of how he reacts to it because these are YOUR feelings and you are entitled to them and they are legit. Even if they aren't to him.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Find some women you an talk to. Men and women communicate differently. Also, you might try telling your husband straight out that you aren't looking for him to fix your problems, or suggest how to solve them. You just want a listening ear. But again, I think you'll have better luck finding some female friends who tend to listen for the underlying emotions. You love your husband, that's awesome, but it's unrealistic to tink he will fulfill all of your needs for support.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:41 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • Well Maxsmom in my case hes not willing too so yes Im going to go on my own and wow ok now that youre saying that it helps me to know that I can improve things. Thank you soo much because thats what I needed to hear..... it gives me hope and Im happy for you that youre finding ways to improve things and that is working for you. Good luck and thank you!!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2012

  • same thing with me - but i learn to just not get into it, although, i did ask him to listen to me and my whole story without freaking out right away but then he "assumes" and thinks that i "meant" this and that instead grrrrr, its an uphill battle, i have no advice as i am trying to work on what to do myself but i do agree that even though you love him, you kind of are put in a spot where you can't feel that love coming through.
    lovekitchenmama

    Answer by lovekitchenmama at 9:47 AM on Dec. 20, 2012

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