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4 Bumps

Help.

My dh told me that he hates me. We were having a disagreement, and lately it's been kinda rough. He's not normally like this but he's been bringing me down, saying things to me like "fuck you", "you're such a nagging wife", bla bla bla and now, "I hate you". I'm not ready to be done. We've been together for one third of my life, and I know he is going through a hard time right now, but he's taking it out on me. BTW he did say sorry, and that saying that was harsh. DUH! If we didn't have kids, I'd be out the door yesterday, I"m not going to be treated like that. I want to be loved. But I don't want to break up my family. We have been to counseling in the past, and it didn't really help. The counselor basically got paid just to listen, no tools or anything were given to us. Do we try to find a new counselor? How do I deal with this pain in the meantime?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Keep searching until you find the right counselor. I wouldn't throw away a perfectly good man who just needs some tools to correct what's gone amiss.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:16 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • I guess you either take it, or leave it. I would have been out the door the first time he cussed at me.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:46 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • Find a new counselor IMMEDIATELY.

    But yes, even with kids involved I'd leave if he refused counseling. The kids get NO BENEFIT of parents being together in a relationship like that. Indeed, it hurts them and makes them unable to be in a relationship of their own successfully.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:51 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • The great lie we tell ourselves is that the kids don't know.

    How old are they?

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:56 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • I would and have left over something like this. It destroys the children to hear this kind of talk.
    They either lose respect for mom or think that this behavior is acceptable. Therefore you raise abusive sons and daughters who become punching bags.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:50 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • Children would rather be FROM a broken family than IN one. If you would have left if it was just you, you should have left sooner, with the kids.

    They may not show it, but your kids are seeing and hearing their parents fighting. They are also, somehow, making it all their fault that the adults are fighting. That's not fair to them.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:16 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • New counselor if he'll go. I'd plan an exit strategy to use down the road. Start saving money, look for work, etc. so that when you do leave, you're not in absolute poverty. Everyone can work....from babysitting to the fast food restaurant to a receptionist. What he is saying is well beyond harsh. It's disrespectful and hateful. Why be with someone that comfortably throws around that he hates you? I'd have walked out that night and gone to friends. At very least, I'd separate and ask if he'll go to see a new therapist. Thing is, he has got to want to change you cannot make him. GL
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 3:25 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • It happens and you got a poor counselor. You want one that deal specifically with communication skills also known as learning to fight "fairly"
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • I am a strong believer people only treat you the way you allow them to. What do you say when he talks to you like that? When it's calmed down? I may happen once but a second time I would throw him out. Fuck me? No buddy fuck you and get out!
    txnmomof4

    Answer by txnmomof4 at 12:57 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

  • HE needs to get the help. If he isnt willing to then kick him out, He shouldnt treat you like that and your children shouldnt have to see that.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:30 PM on Dec. 21, 2012

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