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5 Bumps

I kicked my 18 year old daughter out and wonder if did the right thing?

I had told her numerous times since thanksgiving break that if she came home for christmas she would have to be kind and respectful to me and her siblings. I also did not approve of her spending every night with her boyfriend ( loosely) or with assorted unknown friends partying. The last straw was hearing her breaking into her own room in the middle of the night, do not know why but she said she did not want me to know she was staying over somewhere other than where she said. I can not take the disrespect so I told her to leave and get her stuff yesterday. She did full of apologies but the all night partying and then apologies has gone on too long. Her father mostly out of the picture for 8 years is mad at me even though we fully discusses this before christmas break. Just looking for thoughts. Thanks

 
Sadmom18025

Asked by Sadmom18025 at 10:49 PM on Dec. 22, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • I would have done the same thing. My house my rules. Go by them or get out. She is legally a adult. Tell her to go stay with her dad if h=she needs to go somewhere.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:45 AM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • No offense but, I lived in the dorm at college & when I came home I had no curfew. My parents realized I was an adult but, yet still their child.

    Yeah... I have to agree with the above... once they are in college they are in no-mans land as far as adulthood. And where else does she live... your house is still her home, and her legal residence while she's in college. I think you may be a little harsh. I could NEVER put one of my kids out in the cold... and and Christmas... WOW. Hope you sleep well Christmas eve knowing your not going to see her now.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:09 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • stayed somewhere else each night without letting me know where or if she would be home


    Do you know where she sleeps each night while she is away at college?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:20 AM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • I could never kick my boys out but I'm not walking in your shoes either.

    My parents kicked me out when I turned 18 because, according to them, I was an adult. I had just graduated from H.S. and had a job but no place to live. My parents said, figure it out!
    I was homeless for 3 months, because the assholes wouldn't let me come home.
    I'm 54 now and still have no relationship with them. Hell, I don't even know if they're still alive!
    Hopefully you and your daughter can work this out.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 10:57 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • No offense but, I lived in the dorm at college & when I came home I had no curfew. My parents realized I was an adult but, yet still their child.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 11:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • I never would have kicked my kids out, especially for doing what comes naturally to an 18 year old. But, I don't live in your shoes so I guess you have to do what you think you have to do.

    This seems a much deeper problem than simply partying. It seems as though all lines of communication are shut down. I think you'd be well served working on that issue
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 11:53 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • Do you know where she went?

    Will you be able to sleep tonight?

    Just remember, life is short and I am validating your feelings. Life is just so short.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:02 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • OP? Does she do well in school?
    Is she normally a good girl?

    Does she deserve to party a little on her vacation?

    I see kids everyday, on the street, doing drugs, sleeping wherever they can, because they have no where to go. Call her.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 11:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • I can't say if you did the right thing or not, since I'm not in your shoes. I probably wouldn't have done it two days before Christmas. I'll just say that coming home for college breaks can be really hard on kids and parents alike. The kids are used to the freedom they had at school. The parents are used to the way things were before their children went away to begin with. It's often a recipe for disaster. If there's any way you can pull your family back together and have a reasonably happy holiday, do it. I'm estranged from my parents and siblings, and I miss them, even though it's better for me not to be around them.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2012

  • This is never the right thing to do in my book, this is a last resort and it seems to me you could have done something else like maybe talk and communicate some more.....
    older

    Answer by older at 8:48 AM on Dec. 23, 2012