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3 Bumps

Isn't it always ...how relative the situation is to your own life...give your own example

last year, first day of kindergarten
(my daughter was mainstreamed into a regular class)
a mom, who i did not know, asked me if my daughter ever used baby talk
(hahahaha x 100)= now i laugh
i had no answer, i was silent with a dumb look on my face
i was trying to place myself into a "regular" mom situation
my child has autism, and at that time, i was still counting words (five words were a GREAT sentence)
baby talk would have beenwoderful, it is speech and communication.
other mom (not the same experience as me) she was complaining about how her daughter sometimes talks like a little girl.... i fumbledthrough my answer of "baby talk is talk, so yes, she does...bye the way, my daughter has autism and does not speak much and her communication is limited"
woman felt small (but she did not know, so i tried to comfort her uncomfortable reaction)

funny, i just talked to her about that moment a week ago
still see her every day, she invited my daughter t her daughter's birthday party. I let her know what things might trigger my daughter (and the music did) she handled it like a pro.


i guess (my ) moral of the story is to not jump to conclusions, someone might be in a very different situation.
other person had zero idea who i was, or the struggles 'we' (daughter and I ) have to deal with
but when it is written out for you in black and white- be silent before giving your "opinions"

 
fiatpax

Asked by fiatpax at 8:31 PM on Dec. 23, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I know I've discussed my granddaughter with you too. She was actually 3 before she even began to talk. I was happy to hear anything out of her.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:56 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • I can honestly say I don't know anyone that's autistic, and I know very little about it.... I'm open to learn, and reading on cafemom has helped me understand some..

    The only thing I can say is that when our son started Kindergarten 4 yrs ago there was a little boy in his class that knew sign language. Very well actually, and he was teaching our son some throughout the year. Well I then met the little boys Mom, and I had never met anyone deaf before, but she knew all about our son. Like I said that was 4 years ago, and our 9 yr old son knows how to do some signing, and I think it's amazing what friendship can bring. We are really good friends now, and I'm still learning, and probably will for a very long time.

    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:37 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • Your DD has come so far, Paxy. And, while I don't have those struggles with my girls, we all have our own issues. For instance, I'm occasionally annoyed by some of the "my DH doesn't help out enough" questions. Since as a single mom, I do everything & have no one to fall back on.  I have no family at all around me. 

    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 8:37 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • I don't know a lot about autism. I have a good friend with two boys on the spectrum, though I only know her online - who has taught me so much over the years. I know there are still many things I just can't comprehend.

    I'm a single all-the-time mom, and sometimes I can't help but look dumbfounded at the things people will say. In a way it's worse when the people who do know my situation will say something like needing a DH who helps more, or wanting an ex to stay out of their lives despite that ex being a good father, and I have to bite my tongue. On the other hand, I would rather they go ahead and say what they want instead of backtracking and saying oh well you know I know YOU have it sooooo much worse than I do, like I'm some kind of martyr. Like there's really much choice in the matter for me.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:03 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • I know what you mean. Like some others, I'm a single mom. I find it hard sometimes not to go through the roof when someone is complaining because they only get $100 a month in child support, or asking "can I make him go away even though he's doing everything he should?" when my ex is $25K behind in child support and wouldn't recognize my kids on the street.

    My kids don't have autism, but we have met some kids that do. I've always been really up front and just tell the moms "I'm clueless." I find they seem to take it better if I admit that up front so that if I screw up and say something that would come across as insensitive, they know that it's because I don't know, not because I don't care. They usually take the time to explain then about whatever it is, and I always listen, because I really do what to understand and not make a situation worse, say, when their kid is having a meltdown.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:21 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • My relatives still do not understand why my son is a "picky eater." He didn't say any cute baby words ever and did not start taking until two and a half. Not mama, dada, not even no. No cute baby voice. We missed all that. Someone asked me when he was three if we were teaching him a foreign language. I chuckled and said, "I am glad he just speaks English!" I did not mean that from a snob speak English only pov. I truly meant I was glad after a year and half of therapy he was finally talking. And now I get asked why can't he look adults in the eyes, why does he have to always hold onto something, just why, why, why without ever considering there might be a reason. What is frustrating is we have told them why but they want to believe it is something else. Such as poor parenting. At this point I am so over all their assumptions and am in Fuck It mode. But that is after explaining it.....to family and teachers.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:52 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • Do not mean to be a downer. But really it boils down to I provide lots of information, I am patient, I give access to therapists so they can get the information and suggestions directly from them. I give books, articles, websites, an more. But some how it is easier to believe that poor parenting causes delays, causes ADHD, causes sensory issues....then there is just no hope for those with such a closed mind. I bend over backwards and still have family members who say it is the dye in foods and if I fed him better it would magically go way. Grrrr
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:56 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • I have learned over the years to be grateful for what we have. While my oldest does have disabilities, I realize those disabilities could be much worse. He can help take care of himself & even holds a job. His best friend has autism, but from what I've learned about autism, he is lucky too, to be very high functioning. I've learned how frustrating ADHD is & that not everyone outgrows it. I've learned that having a "mini me" may come back to bite you! lol :p I've learned how lucky I am to have a husb. I can trust & who I can count on. And I've learned how important it is to have a job you enjoy doing. It makes getting up so much easier! :) Thanks for this post & reminding us what is truly important in life & how to look at life differently- to count our blessings. Celebrate the small victories. :)

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:09 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • Yup, I hear ya paxi. I have to stop and think about that quite a bit. It's hard when you take it all for granted....
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:41 PM on Dec. 23, 2012

  • frogdawg, I know EXACTLY what you mean with the eating thing. I have lost count the number of times I have been told to just MAKE my son eat. Now, when I hear that, I tell people go ahead and try but don't expect me to clean it up when he gets sick. My MIL learned that lesson the hard way with hot dogs. She FINALLY understands, after seeing what happens first hand, that its not just me allowing him to eat what he wants to make my life easier. I have heard a hundred times that if I just cut out the gluten, he will somehow magically be cured. The funny thing is, he hardly eats anything that has gluten in it. And, he has been tested for Celiac disease and it came back negative. He has been genetically tested for lots of things and it's all come back negative. I have honestly learned to just ignore the haters and reveal in my son's accomplishments. (cont...)
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 2:25 AM on Dec. 24, 2012