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Lieing Husband

What would you do if your husband lies to you? My husband has lied to me our whole relationship. Granted its just about the fact that he smokes. He always says he "quits" and then I find a pack or something, and he denies it and then gets in an argument with me and makes it my fault. I dont know what to do anymore.

 
jen_wikstrom

Asked by jen_wikstrom at 4:46 PM on Feb. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I don't harp on my husband about smoking. I used to smoke myself and it is incredibly addictive. I am not saying you shouldn't have an opinion... just that it wont happen for real until HE makes that decision. And when tallying up deception and such- well smoking just doesn't strike me as a super huge horrible thing... as in if you were more accepting of him, he wouldn't lie. But because he is addicted (and always will be even when he quits) lying becomes self preservation to the drug and not a intended deception to his wife. The lying to the wife part is secondary to the need for the drug if that makes sense. The brain only thinks about the need for the chemical.

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 4:49 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • I would say either deal with the fact that he is going to smoke or come to some compramise. Besides that it is bad for his health why do you want him to quit?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • have you ever been a smoker?!

    did he smoke already when you met him?

    its hard to quit once you started.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 4:50 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Never put him in the position that he has to lie to avoid confrontation or loss of face. If you know that he is unable to give up smoking, then never ask him to say he has quit. You can offer to buy him the patch or gum, but never ask if he has stopped.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:50 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • If you're somehow sure that's all he's lying to you on that ain't nothing at all. you're lucky then. My husband smokes sometimes only on our deck and I hate it!!! But he knows and I now it's rare, not in our house, not in our cars cause I'd smell it even if I weren't in the car. Are your finances in order? Is he good and honorable in other ways? Then it's the least of vices to be upset over. But if he has to smoke in your cars with/witho you and kids then just set rules of where around home he can do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Hmmm if you had a favorite girlfriend and you husband asked you to quit speaking to her... and made it a make or break thing for peace in the home... and she called on occasion still... would you go out of your way to discuss it with him? I am not saying you wouldn't respect his wishes but many women put their husbands in these situations without realizing how it would feel if the roles were reversed, kwim?

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 4:52 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • I know it is very hard to stop smoking. This things can be forgiven. The only hard thing to forgive is when he is lying about other woman. (That is my opinion anyway)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Its not the fact that he smokes. I am totally okay with it. He just says that he is going to quit and then he just does it. Its not the only thing he lies about but its the main thing. Its just that I have told him, if you lie to me again I am not going to stay in this marriage cuz I want to trust him. He still does it, its like he doesnt care if we are together or not.
    jen_wikstrom

    Answer by jen_wikstrom at 4:56 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Omg op! You told him you would leave him over lying about smoking? Wow.... I get that lying upsets you. Maybe you should go to a smoking cessation class yourself and hear what some of the people there are going through. It's a horrible degrading, often compared to the addiction of heroin, situation. And your damn right you lie if you feel like you have messed up and let down the one person on earth who's opinion you care about the very most. Good grief. And then to threaten to leave all over a lie that is completely designed to seek approval, wow.

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 4:59 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • Its not the whole smoking thing, I am okay with him smoking. He has lied to me about numerous things other than smoking, its just that smoking is the majority. Lieing doesnt upset everyone? I believe I have a right to say I would leave if I feel I cant trust my husband.
    jen_wikstrom

    Answer by jen_wikstrom at 5:01 PM on Feb. 12, 2009