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2 Bumps

I dont get this man..


First- How does a man stay with a woman who has repeatedly cheated on him. I know this guy who has been cheated many times. His GF cheated with 2! of his coworkers, but he stays. They have 2 kids together and he says 1. he doesnt want to just up and leave because he feels he is failing his kids by leaving the mother because she is unfit 2. his parents were not together and doesnt want that for his kids. 3. if he leaves he will be homeless because is finishing his degree right now and unemployed. he is 32 and working on his mba full time.

She recently told him that she is love with the coworker and he has to deal with it. With all that said, he is seeing someone and wants to get serious but limits the 'relationship' because his kids mother. he goes on dates with the other lady , stays the night and talks to her many times through out the day. he has told her he wants to leave the house but needs time. when he met the girl he is seeing now , he told her he was single. come to find out he is not.

he 'ended' the relationship with his kids mother and told the girl he is seeing that he is no longer intimate with her, but they sleep in the same bed each night. he tells her its hard to not sleep with the mother of his kids but he is disgusted with her and its over.

how truthful do you think he is about not sleeping with the kids mother?

given what i said, do you think he will ever leave the kids mother?

his whole family pleads with him to leave her but he is still there.

He is a close friend and i cant begin to comprehend his lifestyle and why he puts himself through all that. he appreciates my advice but is still there.

what do you think about this situation?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Dec. 25, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Run

    Run far

    Run fast
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • thanks anon. but this guy is a friend.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:47 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • Right now, being unemployed and going to school, he has the stability of a roof over his head.
    I'm sure mentally he's disconnected himself from her, so until he gets his MBA, he's in survival mode.
    Once he gets a job, he'll be gone and more than likely gain full custody of his kids if she's proven unfit.
    But, sounds like he's got someone now, and if they decide to cohabitate, he'll be gone.
    It's amazing what people will do to keep from being homeless.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 8:51 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • I know a man who stayed with a woman who cheated on him, and who tried to kill him three times. He stayed for more than 20 years. I could never figure it out. He lost most of his family over this woman. I think it's a choice he has to make for himself. Hopefully, he wakes up before he's wasted much of his life.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:53 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • thanks pmsmom. makes sense! he is basically in survival mode. he tried living with the other woman but her work schedule and his school didnt coincide since there would be only one car and no public transport.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • exactly ohwrite! he is sooooo unhappy. i dont get it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:56 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • At least he has a goal (school). With that he's making plans, mentally.
    Then his wife will see what a huge mistake she's made by cheating on him.
    You reap what you sow! Her time of unhappiness is coming!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:15 PM on Dec. 25, 2012

  • No he is not going to leave her at least for as long as his kids and young enough, that he feels they need both of them there.
    He MAY decide, after he gets his master's and gets settled in a really good job that he can fight for the kids, but by that time the need to fight for the kids will be all but over.
    He is doing what he thinks is right by his kids, as best as he can. The lady in question will never have a permanent relationship with him.
    IF he divorces and IF he is inclined to marry it will not be the lady he is spending time with now.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:08 AM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • This person is so mixed up I barely know where to start.

    How can he treat one of his children as if s/he weren't his?

    How spineless do you have to be to stick with someone you find disgusting rather than be on your own?

    Why is he still there? Is she covering his bills?

    If he thinks she's an unfit mother then why doesn't he leave and take the kids? It's easy to criticize others when you do damn all yourself.

    Not wanting to leave because of his parents is crap. He just doesn't have the balls to be a single parent. As is often said here - children would rather leave a broken home than be in one.

    Dating other women before ending the relationship he's in (regardless of his gf's behaviour) is just WRONG. WHAT does he think he's teaching his children about commitment and relationships?

    Etc.
    Bottom line, he needs a reality check and to grow a pair AND to stop whining.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 4:51 AM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • I wouldn't be involved with a married man, even if he tells me he is separated.  You're only hearing his side of the story.  Given what you said he is probably only staying for the security of a roof over his head and for the sake of this children.  Whatever the reason he should not be starting a new relationship when this one is clearly not over.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:01 AM on Dec. 26, 2012

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