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2 Bumps

Life -time decisions, serious stuff

There is so much going on within our family right now, and it's really tough to make decisions.
Your advise would be appreciated, as it's tough to set priorities right now...

1. Marital problems have caused my DH and myself to live separately under the same roof most days of the week. We may hug eachother, make love, and then we fight again. He hates the concept of councelling, and won't go with me. Even if we went, he'd scream and insist on him being perfect, and me being the touchy one. We could drive the Councelling person crazy, I'm telling you !!!

2. I haven't seen my elderly, sick mother for 2 years now. She was scheduled to visit us in January, but I am having second thoughts, as she won't be happy to see that my DH and I fight so often,...
3. My DH and I are undergoing fertility treatment. Love is still there, we do want children, but in reality, some trust issues won't go away... Not sure if it's right for us to try to conceive, if we can't get over our problems, yet our age won't let us postpone this decision...
4. my right hand/arm and occasionally leg feel numb for over a month now... The symptoms resemble MS, or Mini-stroke, and my doctor feels that we should do something radical to check this, starting from MRI, and moving towards more painful and challenging medical tests...

With all this going on, I find it so hard to prioritize what to do first, starting from my mom's trip.
Would it be better to wait for a month or two till my health issue is resolved, or should I just confirm her visit, due to her old age? But if she visits and sees all this misery, won't it be worse ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:13 PM on Dec. 26, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Wow. Maybe it would be good for you to talk to a counselor by yourself. You need someone to help you through all this stuff. What I can say is that if you and your husband are having hard times, fertility treatments and a baby won't make anything easier. You probably want to get your health problems resolved before you conceive in case you nee tests or treatments that would harm a baby in the womb. Good luck

    Answer by Ballad at 6:33 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • I'll say your priorities are fucked up!
    YOUR health (mental and physical) is first and foremost. Always.
    Get to the doctor, and then seek counseling for yourself. YOU can learn to have a healthy relationship, and recognize what you want and deserve from a partner.
    Your mother is elderly and ill? And you'll risk not seeing your mother one last time because this dickwad you live with can't show manners or be respectful while she is there? Controlling? Co-dependent? Again, COUNSELING.

    Why do you want to procreate with a man who can't even tolerate on a daily basis?
    Bring a child into an already flawed and damaged relationship so they can grow up to repeat the patterns they learn from watching your fucked up relationship? Great decision making.

    There are SO many red flags here.... get your head on straight first before you make decisions that are going to impact future children.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:37 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • I so would NOT have a baby with a man that I didn't have a good, solid, stable relationship with. A baby is only going to make things worse. If he won't go to counseling with you, then you need to go. But if the relationship isn't important enough to him to try counseling, that should tell you something. However, if he always insists on being right then the relationship is never going to work - which goes right back to you should NOT have a baby with this man.

    Answer by missanc at 6:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • If you marriage is so bad? Why are you still trying to have a baby? Are you doing it because even if the marriage fails, you still want the baby and raise it alone?

    I do not know your life.  But IMO Stop trying to have a baby with this DH of yours. 

    Your health is more importants then getting pregnant right now. Sense you are having other health issues Getting pregnant would not be a good idea.  Truthfully you should divorce this pain in the ass.  Your health might improve.  Then you can have a baby on your own.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:59 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Schedule the MRI, put Mom on hold for a month and just say you're super sick or something. I'd consider leaving the husband. A baby will make your relationship a thousand times worse. If he won't go to counseling, much less change, you don't have a shot at this marriage turning around. Sorry.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:00 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Thank you all, wonderful ladies, for being so warm and supportive. This is the Miracle of Cafemom, an amazing web tool, that can really help us and the society. God Bless you All..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:12 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Health, counseling, mother visit, maybe baby. Only if health and relationship are good. Good luck!

    Answer by NewMamaBoo at 7:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • This summer my husband and I were on the brink of divorce.....he was given a suggestion to watch a movie called "fireproof" and I did as well and it seriously changed our perspective and our marriage! Give a try. Marriages are so tough, but they are never impossible! xo

    Answer by CaliBlondeGirl at 7:32 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Fireproof is a great movie, and we did watch it and got the entire set of book, guide etc. It did work for a while, and 80% of divorces could be avoided if more couples could watch it. It didn't work for us.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:55 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Stop the fertility treatments, ASAP. What's unfair is bringing a newborn baby into such chaos. Plus, the treatments could be causing or adding to your physical issues.

    Answer by 3libras at 7:56 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

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