Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My step daughter's dad (my husband) asked me my opinion on something and I think her mom might think I pressured him in to something.

My 16 month old step daughter is still in a rear facing carseat with her mom. She's too big for it-it's obvious. He asked the age/weight on forward and rear facing cause he was concerned. I said in our state it's a year minimum for forward facing and I think 20 pounds. He bought her a forward facing for his car (before they shared, he would just take the rear facing). She's bitching hardcore about it. He explained that it was safer and her forward facing is for only up to 15 pounds. She starts ranting out how this isn't my decision and I should just butt out. All I did was answer a question. I literally hadn't said a word about it even though I know she should be in a forward facing one.

How do I handle this? Should I say that I didn't do it and that it was all him, or just let it go?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2012 in General Parenting

Answers (28)
  • Keep her safe while she's in your care.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 8:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • She thinks we (which really means me) are trying to tell her how to parent her. Neither him or I are trying to do such a thing. He's told her she can do what she wants at her house with her but we do things differently at our house. Just like when we took away her pacifier here. She flipped saying that wasn't his decision and she knows how to parent and blah blah. Um, we aren't going to parent her way at our house. And I certainly won't make different rules or changes just for her when it will effect my child.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • You should do everything she say's you should do, at your home. It's not up to you if she shouldn't have a pacifier, it's up to her Mother and Father. You should only reinforce the decisions, not make them. (IMO)

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:01 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • I'm not changing things just for one child. My husband and I agree on how to parent every child in our care. I will not treat her differently than my own.

    It's funny how I'm supposed to treat her as I would my own, but you people on here say it's up to her mom and dad. Which is it?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Any my husband and I decided together-no pacifiers. He's said he's not going to do something that he doesn't agree with it and parent her the way he feels necessary and not do things his ex's way. She cannot control our household.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • if it is a year min then she can do it longer if she wants, he is the dad he can choose to do that if he wants BUT, it is fine for her to voice her fears.

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 10:33 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • She can, but he won't change his mind. It was awesome, really. He went online and did a ton of research about it and came to the conclusion that she's too big for the infant carrier. He didn't just do it to be malicious. He did it cause it's what's best for his daughter.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Any my husband and I decided together-no pacifiers

    That's NOT your decisions to make... it's up to that child Mom & Dad to decide... and if you only have her a small amount of time it's the MOM's call... NOT yours!! You are NOT this child's parent. I'd be pissed off at you too for this one!! There are somethings YOU can not control... this is one.

    As far as the car seat... as long as the child is in the correct seat for their height, weight and age you are in the clear. They do recommend rear facing for as long as possible now so I can see why the Mom wants that. She is desperately trying to protect HER child. Your going to have to find a way to work with her or it's going to cause you and this child a lot of grief!! Put yourself in her shoes... how would you feel if some other woman was suddenly allowed to dictate to you how things are going to be for your child... you would not take kindly to that would you?? NO!!!

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • If your husband can not talk to you on any issue then who can he talk to? He asked you answered. If you can get the facts in print for him to have , I would do that. I simply would not argue with her.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:10 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • He looked them up online. I don't know if he told her to or not.

    What happens in OUR house is OUR decision. It has nothing to do with her. Just like we can't control what she does in her hourse.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.