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What can I do to regain my daughter's trust?

I recently separated from a very abusive husband, divorce in the process, my parents have had custody of my oldest daughter since she was 6 months old, she's almost 6 years old now. She comes around a little bit, but when it comes to baths, she screams and yells and cries and only wants my mom, aka gramma. I've been in and out of her life for the past 6 years, but, have been here and trying to make ammends. I am wondering if therapy would be a good idea????

 
kaylasmomma757

Asked by kaylasmomma757 at 10:19 PM on Dec. 26, 2012 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I will comment again, we have custody of our grandchild, she is 4. Her mother lives here but is not here when it comes to her daughter. More of a sister relationship even though we have tried to help them have more. My grand daughter cries when her mon tries to do parental things with her - bath, hair, dress her etc. She wants me or her grandpa.

    It is a comfort thing and it has always been this way. We try to get her to let mom do this and that but when it brings stress or tears we take over because WE are what she knows and wants
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 10:40 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • Therapy for you, yes. I think that would be best. I think you really need to learn how to step back and not push a relationship with her because she doesn't know you as her mom. Not emotionally. She's fearful, it sounds like, that you're going to upset her life.

    I would work closely with a therapist that can help you navigate this journey in a way that will harm her least. Sadly, this isn't about you right now; it's totally about her.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 10:25 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • ^^^could not have said it better
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 10:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • I wonder why bath time is so stressful for her.
    Thereapy for you or for her? Certainly a woman who has been in an abusive situation could probably use a little theraputic help. Your daughter sounds like she has been in a stable environment with your parents since she was 6 months old. I doubt that she needs therapy. If you are trying to take over as her mother, that is just not going to happen. Your mother is the only real mother figure she has known. That bond can not be cast aside. I suggest you ease into her life slowly and carefully and do not push her.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2012

  • It was the same with our grandson luvmygrandbaby but hi mother did not live with us. Even now it is very hard to spend a few hours with her and that again is a few hours supervised by order of the court.
    His father slowly worked toward more time with him. It took years of getting used to each other and trusting. He spends weekends often with his dad now but he is 12. He was 1 1/2 when they each lost custody.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:00 PM on Dec. 26, 2012